A Year in the Life: Part Three- The Captors
by kaybee613
Summary: Sollux Captor has issues, and he's trying to work through them. But with a rambunctious family, and conflicting emotions, it's hard. It's hard growing up, and nobody understands.
1. Duality

Chapter One: Duality

Everything felt sluggish that warm summer day. Sollux Captor had no idea why everything felt… thick. Thick and slow. But he knew that he hated it with every fiber of his being. He hated it even more when he thought about the implications, based on the research he'd done. Sometimes things were slow and sad and sometimes everything moved too fast, and in the few times the world wasn't one or the other, Sollux almost felt normal. But he was scared, scared for what that might mean. Sollux had everything in either twos or halves; he had two dads, he was one of two adopted sons, his eyes were two different colors, he had two weird uncles- one on either side. He was biracial, bisexual, nearly bilingual, and… no. He didn't want to add another 'bi' or 'two' to that list. It was overwhelming enough having one mental disorder, though that one was much more tolerable than what Sollux was experiencing now, with the possibility of another. He just had to double check things a lot.

He closed out the open tab on his computer. He didn't want to read about it anymore. It was fine. He didn't want to worry himself, or more importantly, his dads, with another weird quirk. God, he was such a freak already, Sollux thought to himself as he caught his reflection on the computer screen. Stupid fucking heterochromia. Stupid glasses… stupid braces… Sollux laid his forehead on the desk. Why did he have to hate himself so much?

Sollux heard the front door open and went to the stair balcony to see who it was. One of his dads opened the door. Sollux saw a very lean, gangly-looking man with somewhat unkempt dark hair, clutching a suitcase in either hand. His dad didn't say anything, not that Sollux could here, and then the man let himself into the house. Sollux furrowed his brow. What on earth was Uncle Simon doing here? Immediately, Mituna's voice came screeching from the living room, and Sollux decided against going down to say hello, at least until things calmed down. Along with Mituna's voice, moments later, came both his dads', louder than usual. Awesome. Now he really wasn't going to go downstairs. Instead, Sollux returned to his computer. His pesterchum went off almost immediately.

apocalypseArisen [AA] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

AA: hey sollux?

TA: what?

AA: can i come over for a while?

AA: i'm not handling this whole sister thing very well

TA: well what the fuck makes you think my house is any more stable?

TA: my dads are fighting, tuna is throwing a tantrum, and my uncle simon is here

TA: it's a fucking shit show right now

TA: kind of driving me crazy

AA: well if you don't want me to add to that mess its fine

TA: you know it's not that i don't want you here; i just don't think it will help you any

AA: okay

TA: what even happened anyway?

AA: damara

AA: she blamed me for breaking something and called me a bitch

AA: and i think she was glad to hurt me

TA: wow

AA: yeah i mean i knew she was bad from when she was around tavros' brother all the time but i don't think she was ever this bad

AA: theres some part of the story missing

AA: but yeah im not… feeling too good about the family right now

TA: well, AA, you can come over if you really want

AA: oh wow don't be so persuasive sollux

TA: AA, come on. my family is so god damn embarrassing

AA: hah

AA: you shouldn't be embarrassed of them

AA: for the record i like your family

TA: yeah, i don't get that. you're smart enough to know better

TA: youre not supposed to like my family

TA: what are you, like my girlfriend or something?

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

Sollux felt slightly less like an abnormality after that conversation. Aradia had a way of doing that. God, he wished they would just date already. They joked about it a lot, and there was definitely a mutual attraction, but it seemed like neither of them were really willing to act on it. It was the worst sort of limbo to be stuck in.

Sollux darted downstairs, trying to settle some of the chaos in the household. "Hey, Uncle Simon," he said, giving a casual wave to his uncle, who grumbled something incoherent in response. Mituna seemed to quiet down after a moment, now that SImon was done ranting about whatever the hell he'd been ranting about. "Dads," Sollux said, gaining both men's attention. "Aradia's coming over for dinner. She's having family issues, I guess. Is that alright?" Barry looked to Carl, who hesitated for a moment before nodding.

"I suppose that's okay," Carl said. Sollux grinned a little lopsided grin before finding a place on the couch next to his uncle. He turned on his Gamecube and started playing a solo round of Mario Kart while his dads went right back to arguing. Mituna reached aimlessly for the controller in Sollux's hand.

"Mituna, stop it," Sollux hissed at his older brother.

"No, I wanna play."

"Wait your turn!" Sollux retorted, impatience clear in his voice. Mituna all but crawled into Sollux's lap in an attempt to wrestle the game controller away from him. Sollux yelped, pausing the game as he started wrestling back, taking both himself and Mituna to the floor. Simon chuckled, whereas Carl chided the boys.

"Sollux! Be nice to your brother," he said. Sollux groaned.

"Yeah, Sollux, be nice to me!" Mituna echoed, sticking his tongue out. Sollux rolled his eyes.

"You started it and you know it," Sollux grumbled, getting up and sitting back on the couch next to Uncle Simon before he resumed his game.

"I still wanna play!"

"No, Mituna. Wait your turn." It sucked having to act like the older brother, despite being 3 years younger than Mituna. He hated to think it, because there was no way anything could be changed, but he liked Mituna a lot more before… so much changed after that day. Sollux shook the thought out of his head, focusing more on beating his fastest time on Rainbow Road. His dads started bickering about something again, but Sollux tuned it out. It was easier to tune things out, even if it made him look very rude. He was marginally aware of Simon, sitting next to him, but Simon was usually quiet. At least, the handful of times Sollux had actually met him. He was Craig's brother, and most of Craig's family was pretty estranged, Simon being the exception. Apparently their parents didn't approve of the whole gay thing, which made Sollux glad he'd never met those grandparents. He could only imagine how they'd feel about bisexuality. Simon grinned at Sollux a little bit, Sollux catching it in his peripheral vision.

"So, Sollux, school starts soon, right?"

"Yeah," Sollux answered, shortly. "Tomorrow, actually."

"Mm, cool. Did you do anything nice over the summer?"

"Nope."

Simon continued asking those pervasive questions that just reeked of an adult trying too hard to get to know an estranged child relative, and Sollux was ready to make a snappy retort, but bit it back when he heard Aradia let herself in. He was mildly aware that his dads were fighting, but they stopped as soon as Aradia came in the room, both of the men hugging her. Sollux smiled internally, but was still focused on his game. Simon fell quiet when she sat next to Sollux. Sollux thought about putting an arm around her, but faltered. The line in their relationship between friend and dating was definitely blurred, and Sollux hated that he didn't have the courage to ask her out. Once Sollux finished racing his own top score on Rainbow Road, (he beat it, yes!) Mituna turned to him.

"My turn, my turn!" Mituna said excitedly. Sollux grumbled, tossing Mituna the controller.

"What, aren't you going to play me, Sol?" Mituna hissed.

"No. Knock yourself out, loser."

"Afraid I'm going to kick your ass?" Mituna said, snickering a little bit. Sollux frowned. Why was Mituna trying to entice him into a race? Wasn't he just asking for a turn to play solo? Whatever, Sollux tried not to question Mituna's logic, or lack thereof.

"Fuck that noise…" Sollux said, catching a glimpse of his father glaring at him for 'poor use of language'. "I have a guest, Tuna. Don't be rude." Not like Mituna would win anyway. For the first time that day, there was a silent moment. Sollux saw Simon and Aradia looking at each other for a moment, before Simon took a breath to speak.

"You remind me of Hana…" he murmured. He spoke very quietly, but Sollux saw Aradia's face drop, and he couldn't help but be angry. Simon didn't know, of course, but Hana and Damara made Aradia very upset, and Sollux hated to see her upset.

"Yeah, she's… my stepmother. Hana Megido-Droog," Aradia said, in a semi-sarcastic way. Sollux could tell she hated that Hana had the name 'Droog' attached to her now. Simon had just made the rest of the night incredibly awkward.

Things seemed to ease up at dinner, as much as dinner could be eased up for Sollux. His compulsions seemed to amplify at dinner, and Sollux had to keep himself from checking to see if the stove was off more than once.

"It is good to see you, Simon," Craig said, giving Barry a sideways glance.

"Yeah, thanks for putting me up, bro," Simon answered back. "I just… I'm sorry for any inconvenience, Barry, but I couldn't work for Candace anymore. She just… is the worst. Running me ragged all the damn time, like I'm some kind of slave, like her ship will just stop running without me. I couldn't take it, couldn't take it, and, you know, she owns so many damn subsets of companies it's almost impossible to get a job without getting sucked back in. I'm looking, don't get me wrong, and you know, Craig, you know I would have gone to Solomon and Dessie, but it seems like they've got their hands full already…" Simon continued rambling on about his past, and eventually Mituna started chiming in about Candace's daughter, Meenah, and all of their friends, and Sollux had to tune it out again. He made sure to clear out of the kitchen as soon as he and Aradia were done eating.

They retreated upstairs, where it was quiet enough for Sollux to get more than two words out.

"So what's your uncle doing here?" Aradia asked.

"He quit his job. I guess his boss was really over-demanding, and has been for years, and he finally blew a gasket working for her. So he's crashing here until he finds something else."

"Well, he certainly does add to the volume level around here," Aradia said, giggling a bit. God, Sollux loved her laugh, and her smile. It made him hate his own cowardice.

"I mean, we're used to the noise, but Simon gets going, and it sets Tuna off, too, so he's throwing tantrums and getting mad at stupid shit Cronus said like a year ago, and it's ridiculous. But my dad is all defensive for him, saying 'he's my brother, and we need to be there for him, Barry' and they're fighting about that, too, so it's a whole mess right now." Sollux sighed, collapsing into his pillows a bit. Aradia laid down next to him and they looked up, though Sollux would have rather been looking at her. "So how's the Droog household doing?"

"Megido-Droog now," Aradia corrected him, a certain amount of disdain in her voice. "And not good. I mean, my dad really does seem to be in love with Hana, which is… good for him, I guess. It was a really dark time after my mom died for both of us, but Hana is awkward around me, and Damara is horrible. It's just… weird around there lately.

Sollux rolled onto his side, facing Aradia, just looking at her. The girl had no idea just how beautiful he thought she was. Her thick, dark hair and tan face and red-brown eyes… the way she smiled and looked at him and… dammit, Sollux got too wrapped up in his own mind. He'd been looking at her silently for far too long.

"I think we both just need some time to adjust," he said, knowing it was pretty poor advice. Aradia shifted a little bit.

"Yeah," she echoed, "time to adjust."


	2. Self-Hatred

Chapter Two: Self-Hatred

Sollux woke up way too early the next day. Well, at the very least, he wouldn't have to worry about sleeping through his alarm anymore. His head hurt. On top of everything else that was wrong with him, Sollux was prone to headaches, and occasionally, nightmares. He remembered when they started, and remembered what Aradia started saying afterwards. That there were voices. They were both broken, but at least they could be broken together. Sollux frowned a bit. If he didn't think he was so terrible, he'd have asked Aradia out already. But it hardly mattered. He sat at his computer. The very least he could do was try to get some coding done before school. A glance at Pesterchum told him Karkat was online. Well, Sollux figured it never hurt to chat up a friend.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: KK i bet youre flipping you shit about school starting today  
CG: Why would I flip my shit about that?  
TA: because you flip your shit about everything  
CG: Well will you look at this?  
CG: Here is my shit, and yet it remains unflipped.  
CG: Just sitting there on the skillet, getting burned on one side.  
CG: It's a miracle.  
TA: oh no are you into miracles now too because if you are im never speaking to you again  
CG: Fuck no.  
TA: ok nice  
CG: Miracles are like poop stains on God's underwear.  
CG: That's why he hides them, they're fucking embarrassing.  
CG: God launders in mysterious ways.  
TA: eheheheheh right on  
CG: You know, I'm pretty busy this morning.  
CG: Why are you even bugging me this early anyway?  
TA: well the short story is that i have an existential crisis just about every day because i hate every weird quirk about myself  
TA: the long story is that were friends so were supposed to tolerate this from each other  
TA: heh i guess the long one was shorter than the short one FUCK  
CG: That sounds like melodramatic bullshit but coming from you color me unsurprised.  
TA: screw you vantas  
CG: Right, ok.  
TA: hey you havent heard from AA at all have you  
CG: Man, no.  
CG: I can't talk to her, she's so distant.  
CG: I don't know why most of our friends are such weirdos.  
TA: probably its because most teenagers are  
TA: if you knew what i felt every day i mean WOW FUCK  
CG: No, let's not talk about your fucked up brain.  
TA: KK im sorry but really id appreciate it if you didnt speak disrespectfully of my mental disorder  
CG: Oh god.  
CG: Stop being so sensitive.  
CG: It's a repugnant quality.  
TA: ok, how about you take your own advice you are such a blubbering hypocrite  
TA: youre lucky im so fucking magnanimous and charitable cause otherwise theres no chance id waste my time on you  
CG: What a load of shit, this act that you actually think you're a hotshot. You know you hate yourself.  
TA: nobody hates himself more than you idiot  
CG: Yeah well I hate you way more than I hate myself, and that's fucking saying something.  
CG: In fact, I hate you more than I hate myself and you hate yourself and you hate me combined  
TA: oh fuck that noise in every leaking orifice its got you know i hate the combined product of you and myself more than you could ever begin to hate me and myself and you and yourself on your worst day so FUCKING DEAL WITH IT  
CG: Ok, time out for the idiot  
CG: The idiot gets a time out and shuts up for a second.  
CG: How do you get out of your bed in the morning knowing you're the worst thing a universe was ever responsible for?  
CG: Also, it must be hard with your hands persistently bothering any set of genitals peppering that ghostly husk you pawn off as a body  
CG: Has anyone ever looked at you without at once turning skyward and erupting like a vomit volcano? Answer me that.  
TA: this is so immature, im basically just laughing here at how immature you are  
TA: what are we even talking about?  
CG: I don't know, you bothered me!  
CG: I guess these conversations we have do get kind of embarrassing in retrospect.  
CG: Are we not friends anymore because of stuff I said?  
TA: ehehehe you LITERALLY ask me that every time are you joking  
TA: i cant even tell anymore  
CG: It's a joke, moron.  
CG: Honestly I'm just glad nobody else is privy to our conversations.  
TA: yeah same  
TA: anyway see you later

twinArmageddons [TA] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Karkat was right. Their conversations got very off-tracked very easily, and the teasing each other was almost taken to an extreme in their friendship. It was weird, but if self-hatred between them was made a contest, they could play it off easier. Sollux knew Karkat never meant what he said, but at the same time, he agreed with everything Karkat said. His brain _was_ fucked up, he _was_ a little scrawny husk of a boy. But at the same time, in that way, it wasn't insulting, it was just truth. Sollux certainly wished he had Vriska's mentality, which was that she was a huge badass and basically the best person ever, even though anyone else would say she was a heinous bitch. Sollux tried not to think about it too much. His self-esteem was terrible, but he hardly even cared.

The first day at Skaia High went about as well as Sollux had expected, though he was relieved to find friends in every class. His first class was Biology, which he shared with Gamzee, Feferi, and Aradia. Getting to see Aradia first thing every morning would at least be something to get Sollux out of bed, even when the world was moving too slowly for him to have any motivation. Gamzee was an odd one, but he was arguably Karkat's best friend. Other than Sollux himself, of course. But Sollux could see why people were put off by Gamzee. For one thing, he was incredibly tall. He'd gone through his growth spurt before anyone else in their circle of friends, and at 6'2", Gamzee was a ridiculously tall 14-year-old. Sollux wagered Gamzee would probably hit 6'6" before they graduated high school. Further off-putting was his appearance. Gamzee's wildly messy hair framed a face that was painted _every day_ with juggalo makeup. Sollux recalled Kanaya offering to at least put his hair into dreads, so he wouldn't get his paint in it, but Gamzee declined. And to top it off, he always seemed to smell like weed. Sollux worried on occasion, that Gamzee was going to be the next hashtag. Black kids were getting shot for less reason than carrying a joint, and he wasn't a small dude. But Gamzee could probably take care of himself. Probably. Sollux made his way to his next class- P.E. God, P.E. was the worst. Not even Feferi's bubbly nature and cheerful conversation on the walk between classes could cheer him up. He and Feferi found, when they entered the gym, that they were joined in that class by Tavros and Kanaya. Seriously? Why the fuck would they put the paraplegic kid in P.E.? That made no logical sense. But- Sollux thought- at least he would have someone to talk to when he was blowing off the exercises. The only good thing about constant migraines was a constant health excuse. Sollux knew he should probably work out, or at least be in shape, but really, who had time for that? High School P.E. sucked anyway. After P.E., he and Feferi walked to English class. Sollux furrowed his brow, looking at her schedule.  
"You're in my _English_ class, too?" he lisped. Feferi smiled at him.  
"I guess so! What're the cods of us getting three classes in a row together?" She giggled. Sollux grumbled. He would never understand her fish puns. Though, they were a little endearing.  
Sollux sighed. "Guess we'll be spending a lot of time together."  
"Aw, don't look so glum, Sollux! I'm shore this year will be great!" Feferi grinned as wide as she could. Sollux couldn't help but smile. Feferi's happiness was contagious.  
They walked into English class and sat near Terezi, who was sharing a table with a blonde kid wearing sunglasses. What a douche. At least Terezi's shades had purpose, what kind of asshat wears sunglasses inside? Sollux tried not to dwell on it, that kid really just looked like an insufferable prick. Luckily, the kid didn't try to say anything to him. Sollux said goodbye to Feferi after English class, and they both went to their 4th period. Sollux headed to History, which, as it turned out, he shared with Gamzee again. The boys sat with each other. As weird as Gamzee was, and really, all of Sollux's friends were weird, it was better to sit with someone he knew. Sollux hated the first day of school if he couldn't sit with friends. Anyone who didn't know him and got close enough to see his eyes made some snarky comment about how they were mismatched. Sollux didn't need that, like he was unaware of how freakish he was. Friends at least made that easier. The classes that day had all been the same. The teachers would hand out a syllabus and ask for it to be returned with a signature. It was a pointless routine.

Sollux and Gamzee went out to the cafeteria together, spotting a table Tavros, Aradia, and Vriska had saved for them and the rest of their friends, supposing they would even all fit at one table. Vriska was sitting next to Aradia, interrogating her and being generally snarky- just how Vriska was. Sollux approached the side of the table the girls were sitting at, while Gamzee took the other side, sitting at the end of the bench near Tavros.  
"Scoot over, Serket," Sollux said.  
"You're not the boss of me," Vriska immediately snipped back, but Sollux was determined to sit next to Aradia.  
"Vriska. Move."  
"Ugh, fiiiiiiiine," she huffed.  
Sollux grinned as he sat down. Gradually, everyone began joining them, and just as Sollux thought, 12 people at one table was a bit of a squeeze, but they managed. There was no splitting up that group, despite whatever tensions were there under the surface.  
"Anybody have Geometry after this?" Sollux asked, hoping he wouldn't have to go it alone. Karkat shook his head as most of the others checked their schedules.  
"Mm, no, I have P.E.," Aradia murmured. The rest of the answers were 'no's as well, which was incredibly disheartening. After lunch, Sollux made his way to Geometry by himself. Not that it would have mattered, because the teacher insisted on using a seating chart, alphabetically by first name. Sollux grumbled as he took his seat next to a light-haired girl named Rose. She smiled lightly at him.  
"Hello, my name's Rose. I don't believe I caught yours."  
"M'name's Sollux," he mumbled. It was some kind of cruel cosmic joke that his birth parents gave him a name that so easily exploited his lisp. Maybe when he got his braces off, there would be one less embarrassing thing about him, but for now, it was another aspect that made Sollux feel like some kind of freak. Rose seemed to be able to tell that he wasn't in a mood to talk to her, and she turned her attention to whatever book it was that she was reading- Sollux only caught a glimpse of the cover, where it said _Grimoire._ Sollux scoffed, and took out his own book, because whatever was left to read was bound to be more compelling than listening to the teacher at that moment. He saw Rose side-eyeing him and his book. She closed her own and turned to him again.  
"You're a fan of _Complacency of the Learned?_ " she asked. Sollux pursed his lip a bit.  
"Yeah, what about it? I suppose you're gonna tell me about how Calmasis' prophesy meant that Zazzerpan shouldn't have even survived up until this book, and how great your fan theories are as opposed to the actual content of the books."  
"Why no, of course not. What word could I have that was greater than the author's herself?" Sollux furrowed his brow. "I'll let you get back to your reading, then. I wouldn't want to spoil the ending for you."  
"The author's said there's like, two more books coming out. How could you even spoil the ending?"  
"Oh, I am well aware of what the author may or may not have said, being her daughter and all."  
Sollux's jaw just about dropped. "You're bullshitting me."  
"Nope. Rose Lalonde, youngest daughter of Rowan Lalonde."  
"Well, you'll at least make this class interesting."

Sollux and Rose left Geometry on amicable terms. Sollux doubted their friendship would go anywhere else other than 'chatty classmates', but it was nice to have at least that. And she hadn't gawked at his eyes or made fun of his lisp, so maybe she wasn't so bad. Sollux made his way to his last class of the day, which was Spanish. As if he didn't have enough difficulty pronouncing words in English. He sat near Vriska and Equius, much to his chagrin, but sitting near people he knew, even people he knew who were shitty, was better than sitting next to strangers. He had a feeling Vriska would be awful in this class. Her vocabulary was not as wide as most people's, and frankly, he didn't consider her to be very smart. A part of his dislike for her, though, was the way she treated Aradia and Tavros. Vriska was probably the worst to Tavros, but her interference as children hadn't helped Aradia, or Sollux, either, for that matter. Equius was tolerable. Sollux had even considered collaborating with Equius on some tech stuff. Equius could build robots, and Sollux could (probably) program them. But he wasn't thinking about that then. He just resigned to his fate and sat between the two of them.

Sollux was a bigger grump than usual when he got home that day. At least he didn't have Mituna to deal with, he was over at his girlfriend's house. He felt bad for Terezi, having to deal with both of them. Latula and Mituna were insufferably affectionate. Sollux gave a silent wave to his uncle before going to the fridge for some snacks. He grabbed a juice box and fell onto the couch, glancing over at Simon as he sipped on it.


	3. Movie Date

Chapter Three: Movie Date

Sollux would be lying if he said school didn't stress him out. The amount of homework was overwhelming for him, and Sollux knew he was only a freshman. Things would only get worse. On the nights Sollux couldn't sleep, which were frequent, he would stay up late coding. The world was moving too fast. Sollux wished it would slow down; wished he could slow down. Sollux felt afraid, not necessarily of what that meant- okay, he was afraid of that- but also of what his dads would say or do if they found out. They'd probably expect him to get help, or medication. Fuck that, Sollux already neglected his OCD meds. His compulsions weren't even bad anymore. But he wasn't about to get another prescription to forget about. The last thing he wanted to do was to become some kind of pill-popper. No, the best course of action was to keep it a secret, obviously. Sollux was fine; everything would be fine. God, he wanted the world to stop moving so fast. It was already almost October. That realization hit Sollux during lunch one day, when the group's conversation turned to Homecoming. Aradia was noticeably absent from the table, and somewhere along the line, John, Dave, Jade and Rose had started sitting with them. Sollux recognized Dave as the insufferable prick from his English class, and of course he'd met Rose in geometry. John and Jade seemed tolerable enough. Sollux wasn't planning on getting very friendly with any of them. Eventually, Feferi brought up the dance.

"Boys, who're you all gonna ask? Or have you?" Feferi asked. She seemed very excited about the whole thing. Sollux had hardly thought about going to a dance, but when she asked, Sollux realized that it would be the perfect time to man up and ask Aradia out. The boys at the table murmured, not wanting to answer the question, until Gamzee laughed.  
"I ain't asking nobody, gonna go with my motherfuckin' self and have a good time," the boy said. Feferi looked put off by his answer.  
"O-oh," she replied, and was quick to turn to someone else. "Um, what about you, Karkat?"  
Karkat blushed an impossibly bright red under his pale skin. "Don't put me on the spot!" he snipped. Sollux snickered, knowing exactly what blind girl was on his mind. "What about you, princess? Who are you going with?"  
"Oh, I already told Eridan I would go with him," she said, her smile never faltering. Seriously? She saw something in that asshole? She would agree to go, though. She was the only person that could stand Eridan for longer than an hour.  
"Not worth the time," Vriska sneered. "He's such a fucking pain; I can't believe I ever dated him."  
Eridan immediately jumped into a defensive mode. "Because you were so _fuckin' peachy_ , right, Vris?!" he shouted.  
"Eridan, hush," Feferi said, soothing him. Eridan sat back down. "He's not so bad. Anyway… what about you, John?"  
"I, uh…" John stammered. Rose answered for him.  
"John and I will be attending together. He never got the nerve up to ask anyone, and neither did I," she said. Sollux was hardly even paying attention at that point.  
"'S cool, bro," Dave said, trying to reassure his friend without losing his smug, confident look. "I wasn't gonna ask anyone to be my date either. I'm with Gamzee on that one."  
"Yeahhhhh," Gamzee drawled, fist-bumping Dave from across the table.  
"As much fun as a date would be, I thought we could all just go as friends!" Jade's chipper voice came through the others. She smiled, then turned to Tavros. "But I'm still curious; who would you ask, Tavros?" The crowd turned to the small boy. He was silent for a moment, his face getting increasingly red.  
"Uhm… i was going to ask… um... This girl, from English class. Uh, how about you, Equius?" Tavros was quick to get attention away from himself.  
"I was… going to ask someone," Equius said, oddly enough, making eye contact with Sollux. Either Equius was closeted, or they had the same girl in mind. "But, if she says no I will go with Nepeta."  
"You butt! I'm your second choice?" Nepeta pouted.  
"I believed that was our arrangement..." Equius muttered.  
"Naw, it is. I'm just teasing."

Sollux was glad he didn't have to answer such a pressing question. Not that it would matter, since Aradia hadn't been eating with them, but he did decide to check up on her again. She'd been fairly distant, and it was pretty upsetting for Sollux. His mind seemed to calm down in one sense; things were moving at a normal pace again, but he couldn't help but worry about her. When he got home that day, he sent her a message on Pesterchum.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey  
TA: wanna do something?

Sollux's heart pounded as the messages sat there unanswered. Was she online? Was he being a bother? Pesterchum said she was online, so unless the program was being faulty (which it did sometimes; it drove Sollux crazy) she was supposedly there. After five minutes, Sollux sent another message.

TA: AA, you there?  
AA: yeah hi sollux

Oh, thank god.

AA: sorry  
AA: my mind is just  
AA: everywhere lately  
TA: yeah, i, uh…

Sollux was half-tempted to tell her about his own mental problems, but didn't want to worry her. He also didn't want to make the conversation about himself. He didn't even want to think about what was going on in his head.

TA: i'm kind of worried about you  
TA: you haven't seemed yourself lately  
AA: i know  
AA: im sorry  
TA: no, don't be sorry  
TA: just let yourself have some fun  
TA: come out with me tonight.  
AA: i guess i can do that. what did you have in mind sollux  
TA: a movie maybe?  
TA: i'll see what's playing, and one of my dads will take us  
AA: alright sollux  
AA: ill see you later then

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux didn't even get out of his chair before Pesterchum alerted him to another message.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

CG: Hey, assmunch.  
CG: Let's go see a movie or some shit.  
TA: what the fuck, why?  
TA: and no  
TA: i'm going out with aradia tonight.  
CG: First of all, you should be glad I even waste my time on a blithering feculent shithole like you, that I bother gracing you with my presence.  
CG: Second of all, we're fucking friends so we should tolerate this asinine bullshit from each other; you said it yourself. So don't act like it's so totally fucking absurd for me to want to hang out with you even though you're a brainless dickfucking nimrod.  
CG: Third of all, I really need a reason to get away from my dad and his intolerably affectionate fiancée, my almost-stepsister who undeniably has a crush on me which is so fucking weird you have no idea, and my asshole holier-than-thou prick of a brother. The only bearable family I have is Nana Rosa and Kanaya.  
CG: So let's just go to a fucking movie.  
TA: don't act like a hotshot  
TA: you're not coming  
TA: i'm asking AA to homecoming  
CG: Well don't let me stop you!  
TA: Jesus, KK, you're so goddamn stubborn.  
CG: You say that like I'm not aware of my own flaws.  
TA: you're not going to leave me alone until i say yes, are you?  
CG: Nope.  
TA: uuuuuugh  
TA: you're the worst fucking friend i ever had the displeasure of knowing  
TA: fine  
TA: but we're not picking you up  
CG: What the hell!  
TA: you're insisting on third-wheeling  
TA: you can figure out how to get your ass here  
TA: even if it means getting in the car with kankri  
CG: Fucking Christ, fine.  
CG: See you soon, you whining dipshit.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux groaned. Karkat's insults were hardly biting (in fact, Sollux knew it was the opposite. The more Karkat insulted someone, the more he cared about that person) but of course Karkat wormed his way into what had been meant as a date. Sollux drug himself away from his computer.  
"Dad!" he called, running down the stairs. "Dad," he repeated, Barry turning to face Sollux. "Can you take me and Aradia and Karkat to a movie?" Barry frowned a bit.  
"Isn't it a school night?" he asked. Sollux shrugged, hoping his non-committed answer would be enough. "Go ask your father," Barry said. Sollux frowned. He hated that answer, but he strolled into the next room.  
"Pops," he said, gaining Carl's attention.  
"Hmm? What is it, Sollux?"  
"Can you take me and Aradia and Karkat to a movie?" Sollux really hoped he'd say yes. Between the two of them, Carl was the good cop. Barry was bad cop. Carl pondered it for a moment, then slowly nodded. "Yes, as long as you're not out too late. You kids have school tomorrow." Sollux grinned. Everything was working out, as long as Karkat didn't get too vehemently irritated.

Sollux was looking at the movie list when Karkat let himself into the house. He'd already ruled out the latest romcom, knowing Karkat wouldn't be able to shut up if they saw that. Well, Karkat wouldn't be able to shut up through any movie, so it hardly mattered, Sollux just hated romcoms.  
"So what movie are we seeing?" Karkat said, flopping down on the couch next to Sollux.  
"Shit, I 'unno. The Jungle Book?" Sollux answered. Karkat frowned, more than he already was.  
"You mean another rehash of the Disney tripe from 60 years ago? Pass."  
"Listen, if you're gonna tag along, I get to pick the movie."  
"Shouldn't Aradia pick?"  
"She doesn't care."  
"Of course she doesn't," Karkat muttered. Sollux resisted the urge to get upset with him, genuinely upset. Badmouthing him was one thing, but badmouthing Aradia was another. Aradia was depressed. Sollux knew that. Of course, he'd been doing a lot of studying on mental disorders, and he knew what being depressed felt like- impossible to care about anything. He was amazed Aradia had even agreed to come with him. So yeah, of course she didn't care about what fucking movie they saw. But Sollux kept all this to himself.  
"Just shut up and get in the car," Sollux grumbled.

The two boys followed Carl out to the van, both of them climbing into the middle row of seats. Sollux frowned at Karkat. "Get in the back," he hissed.  
"What the fuck, why? There's three perfectly good seats here!"  
"Watch your language," Carl chided. Sollux smirked.  
"Don't look so smug," Karkat muttered.  
"I do actually want a little space with Aradia, if you don't mind," Sollux bit back at Karkat. Karkat grumbled, and begrudgingly climbed into the back row of seats. Aradia didn't live too far away- in fact, all the friends lived relatively close to each other; Skaia was a small town- so it didn't take too long for them to get to her house. Carl honked the horn when they pulled up, apparently only moments after Daniel did. Aradia came out of the house, being stopped briefly by her dad. Sollux waved at Daniel shyly when he turned around to look at the car waiting in the street. After another moment, Aradia climbed into the car and sat next to Sollux.  
"Hi, Sollux," she said, even smiling a bit.  
"Hey Aradia," Sollux answered, feeling his face flush. Karkat flopped over the seat.  
"Are either of you assholes intending on including me in the conversation or am I just third-wheeling all your lovey-dovey bullshit all night?" Sollux noticed Aradia jump a bit, and felt a surge of embarrassment at the situation. He guessed it wasn't really going to be a date anymore. Of course, that had been ruined the second Karkat had even asked to come along.  
"Karkat shut up," Sollux urged. "I told you Aradia and I had plans."  
The conversation for the rest of the ride devolved into Sollux and Karkat bickering with each other, and it didn't stop once they got into the movie. Well, Sollux stopped, but Karkat was so nitpicky with movies, and so vocal about his opinions. Sollux was incredibly disgruntled by the time they left the theater. He pulled Karkat aside when Aradia went to the bathroom.  
"KK, I really am trying to work up the nerve to ask Aradia to Homecoming," Sollux said, already feeling nervous.  
"Yeah, you mentioned."  
"So when we get outside, I need you to give us a few minutes."  
"Alright, whatever."  
Aradia appeared seemingly out of nowhere, and the three kids walked outside, waiting for Sollux's dad to return. Karkat just couldn't hold his tongue about the movie.  
"It was technically good, but I just mean… was it really necessary to do a remake? How many more movies are they going to make over? How many more companies are they going to absorb? It seems like Disney is just losing their heart, and looking for more and more money. Fucking corporations…" Karkat rambled a little bit. Sollux was more focused on the heart pounding, hammering away in his ribcage. He felt little drops of sweat rolling down his forehead. Why was he so nervous? Well, nervous about rejection, for one thing. And then what would that mean for his and Aradia's friendship? He didn't want to make things awkward, but he also knew that there was a mutual attraction, so it was worth the risk. Probably. Sollux gave Karkat a look, nodding for him to give them some space. Karkat rolled his eyes, but complied. Karkat was probably just jealous; he could never get Terezi to go for… whatever their thing even was.  
Sollux turned towards Aradia, trying to smile a little bit. There was a huge lump in his throat. He gave a hard swallow, then spoke up.  
"Hey, Aradia…" his voice trailed off. Aradia's eyes lit up.  
"Yeah, Sollux?" God, he was really nervous now. Aradia was so… so wonderful, and she really had no idea. Sollux adored everything about her, but had always valued their friendship too much to say anything. He cleared his throat out.  
"Um… I—sorry about KK."  
"That's alright. It was nice just to get out."  
"Yeah, I was hoping you would say something like that," Sollux paused. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes wandering away from Aradia for a moment while he tried to express his thoughts in a way that was at least slightly eloquent. "Uh… you know there's a dance coming up like, next weekend? Homecoming or… something stupid like that…" his voice trailed off again. He didn't want to let on that he was actually a little excited for Homecoming; he didn't want to put any undue pressure on her.  
"No, I… didn't hear about it," Aradia mumbled.  
"Oh, well, it's dumb, but everyone's going, so I thought…"  
"Hey dipshit, spit it out!" Karkat yelled. Sollux swore he felt his entire face go red, and any courage he'd worked up to actually say it was suddenly gone. Sollux spun on his heel to face Karkat.  
"KK, you're such an asshole!" he shouted back, then turned back to Aradia. "I… just… nevermind, ah, it was stupid." Sollux shoved his hands into his pockets. It hardly mattered that he couldn't spit it out. There was no way someone like Aradia would go for someone like him. He was too fucked up, in every sense of it. He walked over to Karkat. "You shithead, I was this close," he muttered. Karkat shrugged.  
"I couldn't hear you guys, you were taking forever."  
"Well thanks a lot. You totally ruined this for me."  
"Don't act like this is my fault! Just do something else nauseatingly cute to ask her out."  
"Like what?"  
Karkat shrugged again. "Don't you two have that Minecraft server? Do something in that."  
"That isn't a bad idea," Sollux answered. Okay, he would have a second chance.

Everyone was quiet on the way back to Aradia's house. Aradia was clearly upset, and Sollux was mad at himself. Karkat seemed to enjoy the quiet, which was unusual, Sollux thought, as Karkat could never really keep his own mouth shut.  
Aradia dwelled at the car door when they pulled up to her house.  
"Uh, bye, Aradia. See you at school," Sollux murmured.  
"Yeah… see ya," Aradia said before leaving.  
Carl dropped Karkat off, too, before heading back home with Sollux. Sollux immediately went upstairs, despite objections from both his dads, telling him he hadn't been eating enough. They were starting to worry, Sollux thought, but his mind was elsewhere. He assured them he'd eat later, was released with the help of Simon, and hopped onto Minecraft as fast as he could. Honey-Made Apocalisp. Ha. He ran his Minecraft self behind his and Aradia's house and spelled out, fairly quickly (and in creative mode, of course) 'will u go 2 dance with me' with red, yellow, and blue wool. He picked up his phone and called Aradia. Hopefully she would answer. It rang and rang and rang, and there was no answer. Shit. Well, Sollux decided just to leave a message.  
"Hey… Aradia… log into Minecraft. I'll be on the server for most of the night, but I built something for you. Uhm, call me later, I guess."

Simon brought up a plate of food for Sollux while he watched the server, waiting for Aradia.  
"Oh, thanks, Uncle Simon," Sollux said. He was actually really hungry. "Why are you helping me out with them?"  
"You seem distracted lately. Figured you could probably use some space."  
"Yeah, there's some… stuff going on," Sollux said, not wanting to give too much away. "And there's a girl."  
"I figured," Simon said, winking. "I'll leave you to it."

Simon's timing was excellent, as right when he left, Sollux got a call on Pesterchum. It was Aradia.  
"Hi Sollux," she murmured.  
"Hey!" Sollux said, knowing he sounded far too excited. "For some reason I didn't think you would log on."  
"Well, you asked me to, didn't you?"  
"Yeah, I just thought, since you didn't answer your phone…" Sollux dropped the thought. "Hey, listen, I'm sorry about earlier. I just- "  
"Don't worry about it. Was there… something you wanted to show me?"  
"Uh! Yeah! It's behind the house a little ways," Sollux was suddenly hyper-aware of his lisp, and how his microphone probably made it worse. He tried not to dwell on it as he led Aradia to his build. He heard her gasp.  
"Sollux, I… I didn't think…" she stammered.  
"I figured, since everyone else is going, you and I might just… tag along. I'm not much of a dance, but I'd like to take you. What d'ya say, Aradia?"  
"Uhm, I… Sollux, I… I'd love to go," Aradia said. Sollux beamed. Maybe he wasn't such a freak, if Aradia found some appeal in him. Maybe things would get better soon.


	4. Brown-Eyed Boy

Chapter Four: Brown-Eyed Boy

Sollux couldn't believe he'd actually asked Aradia out. What was more unbelievable; she'd said yes. Sollux couldn't keep himself from smiling- highly unusual for him- the next day at school, something Feferi seemed to pick up on during their walk between classes.  
"Whale you seem cheerful!" Feferi noted, as cheery as usual.  
"Yeah, I, uh, I asked AA to Homecoming."  
Feferi giggled. "I heard."  
Sollux furrowed her brow. "You heard already? Did she tell you?"  
"No, actually, Karkat did."  
Sollux wasn't sure whether to be angry at Karkat or just be glad it was happening at all. "Yeah," he muttered, "my dads are pretty excited about it. They say it's good for me to 'get out' and 'socialize.'"  
"Um, it _is_ good for you, Sollux! It's not healthy to be such a grump all the time. Oh! By the way, my mom said I could have everyone over before Homecoming, for pictures, and we'll go out to dinner and do the whole thing!"  
"Mm," Sollux muttered, "I dunno."  
"Come on, Sollux, it'll be fun!"  
"Yeah, maybe. I still need to decide what color shirt I should get; Dads and Mituna and I are going shopping on Saturday. I'm thinking red or blue; they tell me yellow would be good on me."  
"Mm, I think it would be too much; it wouldn't go well with your skin tone," Feferi said.  
Sollux tutted. "That's what I said."  
"Besides, I know Aradia reely likes red."  
Sollux set his jaw. "Red it is, then."

Shopping that weekend was an absolute nightmare. Mituna was almost always impossible to handle in public. He was easily distracted by anything he found interesting and insisted on dragging everyone into the skate shop. Barry caved in, and bought Mituna a new pair of thick, skateboard shoes. In yellow and black, of course. Mituna couldn't stop smiling, showing the world his crooked teeth. Eventually, after only two near-tantrums, they all made it to the department store. Sollux really just wanted to get it over with, buy his shirt, and go home, but of course his dads made him try on about 8 different shades of red. They were more invested in Sollux's first Homecoming than Sollux was, because they were doting. And Sollux understood that. They'd told him that they were lucky to even have him and Mituna; there were places in the world where couples like them weren't allowed to adopt, so they just wanted to enjoy every possible moment. It was endearing, but Sollux also found it the slightest bit annoying. They weren't nearly as bad with Mituna. Well, not anymore. Probably because he would make a scene about it. He was even refusing to cut his hair, and neither father would say anything because it was easier to let him grow it out than get him to sit still in the hairdresser's chair for an hour, but Sollux thought it was a little ridiculous. Mituna's hair was covering half his face at that point.  
Thankfully, once they got to the dress shirts and ties, shopping didn't take much longer. Sollux got his red shirt- Feferi texted him a picture of Aradia's dress, so he was sure their colors would match- and Mituna got a teal shirt to match Latula's dress, Sollux assumed. He was beyond ready to go home, but something caught his attention on the way out. The mall had one of those pop-up Halloween stores since it was October, and in the window display, it showed they were selling colored contacts. Sollux stopped at the window, catching the reflection of his own, mismatched eyes, and thought of maybe looking normal for a night. Barry seemed to notice Sollux had stopped, and approached him.  
"Hey, Sol, we gotta get going," Barry said.  
"Yeah, but… Dad, can I get colored contacts?" Sollux asked. At this point, Carl and Mituna were walking over as well.  
"What on Earth do you want colored contacts for?"  
"I just… want to look nice for Homecoming."  
"There's nothing wrong with the colors of your eyes, Sollux," Barry said. Sollux grumbled in frustration.  
"I know! In my head, I know there's nothing wrong with it. But I'm tired of being ridiculed! I've been teased about my eyes so many times. I hate it, Dad, and I know I can't permanently change them, or other people's opinions, but I just… I want to feel normal. For one night. I want to feel like a little bit less of a freak, and I want… I want Aradia to like me. Please?"  
"I don't see why not," Carl said. "We did get Mituna those shoes. It's only fair Sollux gets something too."  
Barry murmured something in discontent, but ultimately agreed, and Sollux went into the store, finding himself a pair of dark brown contacts. He hoped they wouldn't look _too_ different, knowing the natural color of his eyes would have an effect on how the brown ones looked. They weren't prescription, so he'd still have to wear his glasses, but Sollux was fine with that.

He made it through the next week of school in surprisingly high spirits. The prospect of Homecoming was looking better to him, once he was feeling just a little less self-conscious. School still sucked, but at least there was something to look forward to. Feferi had _almost_ convinced him to go to the Homecoming football game on Friday- it was one of her last times cheering for the year- but ultimately, he'd decided against it. Football really wasn't Sollux's things, plus he was about 85% sure Eridan would be there in support of Feferi, and dealing with that guy wasn't really worth it. Saturday came around, and Sollux woke up groggily. The day went by slowly, but not the kind of slow that came when Sollux was feeling unmotivated and sad. It was the kind of slow that came with anticipation. Sollux was waiting all day, until a time that felt appropriate to start getting ready, even though he knew it wouldn't take him very long. It probably took the girls a lot longer to get ready than it would take him, but at a certain point he couldn't wait anymore. He pulled his new shirt out of the closet, along with the dark blue tie he'd gotten to match (Okay, maybe it didn't quite match, but Sollux couldn't resist throwing a little blue into his ensemble), and pulled his t-shirt off his scrawny little body. He studied himself for a moment. Sollux was a twig of a boy, all arms and legs and a spindly, thin torso, which was probably the only thing he wasn't self-conscious about. Sollux was okay with being small; he knew he would probably get taller with age, but he liked taking up as little space as possible, and drawing less attention to himself. He got into the shower, narrowly beating Mituna to the bathroom, which he was grateful for. Mituna had a tendency to get distracted in the shower and take far too long, and Sollux was in no mood to be kept waiting because Mituna was being an idiot. Sollux got ready quickly, studying his reflection in the mirror. The dress shirt and tie looked good on him, and it looked like the colors would match Aradia's dress, assuming the picture Feferi took hadn't changed them too much. The last thing he needed to do was looking back at him from the counter. Sollux didn't have any experience putting contacts in, so he was a little nervous, but there they were, brown lenses glaring back at his mismatched eyes. It took him a long time, but Sollux got his new colored contacts in, and looked at himself in the mirror. The shades didn't match exactly, which is about what Sollux had been expecting, but they were the same color. It was close enough that nobody would look at him oddly. That was all he could ask for, and he walked out of the bathroom grinning.  
As expected, Mituna took far too long getting ready, though part of that was Barry fussing over his hair, and insisting that it was out of his face for pictures, which took far too much gel for Mituna's liking.  
"Dad! We're going to be late, can we just leave his hair alone?" Sollux shouted. They were actually running late to Feferi's organized photo session, and Sollux was getting pretty antsy about it.  
Barry sighed. "Fine, I give up on this anyway," he said, ushering Mituna out of the bathroom. His hair was mostly out of his face, off to one side, but it wasn't as neat as what had been desired. The boys climbed into the back of the van, while Carl and Barry got in the front seats and they all drove off.

Sollux was beyond embarrassed to be the last one to show up- no, not the last. Aradia and Damara weren't there yet. Mituna ran off towards his own friends immediately, giving Latula a sloppy kiss on the cheek as he did so. Sollux was a bit slower, waving at Feferi first, who answered with a huge grin and a wave back. Eridan, standing next to her, looked a bit grumpy at her enthusiasm. Karkat, amazingly, looked slightly less grumpy than Eridan; Karkat never looked less grumpy than anyone, but Sollux thought that maybe the fact that Terezi had actually asked him to be her date might have had something to do with it.  
"Hey, FF," Sollux said, approaching Feferi. "You guys haven't started pictures yet?"  
"No, we were waiting for you and Aradia. Do you know where she is?"  
"Probably on her way," Sollux said. He was feeling a bit nervous.  
"Yeah, or you're getting' stood up," Eridan huffed, his arms crossed a bit awkwardly across his chest. Sollux raised an eyebrow at him, but had the smallest feeling that he was right. Feferi scowled at Eridan.  
"Eridan! That's so rude! Aradia wouldn't do that, Sollux," Feferi reassured him.  
"Yeah…" Sollux murmured, and he separated himself from the crowd a bit.

"Hey you," a voice came before too long. Sollux looked up, startled, as a hand intertwined with his.  
"Oh, Aradia!" he said, relieved. "I didn't see you come in." He didn't think anyone had seen her come in. Sollux smiled at her, feeling genuinely happy, and Aradia smiled at him. She paused for a moment, studying his eyes, and Sollux was suddenly hyper-aware his eyes weren't their normal colors.  
"Sollux, are you wearing colored contacts?" Aradia asked, her smile dropping. Sollux felt his face getting warm with nervousness and embarrassment.  
"Um… yeah. Do you like them?" Every ounce of him wanted her to say yes.  
"I… always like your eyes, Sollux," Aradia said, looking away a bit. Sollux bit his inner lip, now feeling incredibly silly for making a big deal about it.  
"Oh…" he said, hardly even managing to get that out before parents started taking pictures. Sollux tried to keep his patience throughout, but the pictures felt like they took forever.

Sollux's patience was taxed even more throughout dinner, as he wound up having to sit next to Eridan. Aradia was on his other side, and watching her brightly interact with Tavros and Feferi and everyone else helped keep Sollux's spirits up. Before long, the kids all found themselves at the Homecoming dance in the high school's gym. Sollux thought it was lame, but there wasn't anything he could do about it, so there was no point in getting all bent out of shape. Aradia, on the other hand, seemed to light up as soon as they walked in, and Sollux was surprised as she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into the crowd of dancing teens. He wasn't much of a dancer, but he was happy to see Aradia being so happy. He couldn't deal with his own problems, but at least he could help with hers.  
After a little while, Sollux decided he needed a break, and sat down at the tables, just admiring the way Aradia danced. Every other thought he had was about her. He just couldn't help it. He watched her dancing with Terezi, both girls grinning widely, and snickered to himself thinking of Karkat watching on with shock before he got up to get a couple glasses of punch. Aradia came to the table after that song, looking a little winded.  
"Did you get this for me?" Aradia asked as she sat down. Sollux felt himself blushing.  
"Mhm. Thought you might be thirsty after all that dancing."  
"It is pretty warm out there."  
"Mhm…" Sollux let his voice trail. He wished he was more… normal, for lack of a better word. Maybe if he actually let someone help him with his problems… "Hey… I'm really glad you came with me tonight. Things have been tough lately."  
Aradia started to smile, then got a wistful look on her face. "Have you been taking your meds, Sollux?" She was the only person Sollux trusted with the truth of his OCD.  
"Well… no. I just… think I'm having another problem. Anyway, I'm just… glad you're here." He smiled, but tried not to smile too wide, trying to keep his braces out of sight. Aradia smiled back, and the two sat and talked for a little while.  
"Do you want to go dance again?" Aradia asked after a time. Sollux pursed his lips a little bit.  
"Nah, I'm all good on the crowd-surfing front," he muttered. "A little too busy out there for me. I think I'm done dancing for the night." His footwork was just a little too awkward for him to feel comfortable showing the crowd any more than he already had.  
"If that's the case," Sollux looked up to see Equius standing behind Aradia, "might I enjoy a dance with the lady?" Sollux's frown deepened. Equius _would_ step in, though Sollux never took him for much of a dancer. Aradia nodded, and Sollux sank in his seat as she mouthed 'I'll be back soon' to him.  
Karkat came and sat down next to Sollux, having the same level of disgruntled-ness. "Someone else dancing with your girl?" Karkat asked.  
"Yup," Sollux huffed.  
"Me too."  
"Strider?"  
"Yup."  
Sollux got up and stretched a bit. "Well, I'll be right back. That punch went right through me."  
"Ugh, thanks for that mental image. I may as well go too, beats sitting here by myself," Karkat muttered.

The boys couldn't have been gone for more than five minutes, and by the time they started walking back to the table, Sollux spotted Aradia standing near it by herself, one hand pressed lightly against her cheek, which was starting to redden a bit. Sollux's heart pounded in confusion and anger, and he darted over to her.  
"Aradia? Aradia, are you okay?" he asked as he draped an arm around her shoulder. "Did something happen?" Oh no, everything was starting to speed up. "Come on, let's go sit outside." He tried to move with her, but Aradia was very nearly rooted to the spot. Sollux was starting to feel warm. He saw tears pooling in Aradia's eyes, and she started crying freely.  
"Damara just…" Aradia stammered, "Sollux, sorry, I- I have to go." Aradia ran out of the gym, while Sollux stood in confusion for a moment. His sense returned to him, and he ran out after her, but she was already gone. Sollux's head was swimming, and he was in no mood to stay for the dance, but he knew his dads weren't coming to get him and Mituna for at least another hour, so he stayed. He stayed, by himself, and felt eyes on him, felt the heat of embarrassment as he walked back into the gym alone.  
Feferi seemed to have seen what happened, or at least saw that Aradia left, because she was immediately at Sollux's side, much to Eridan's dismay.  
"Oh my gosh, Sollux, are you okay? Where did Aradia go?"  
"I… don't know. She left," he said. She must have been embarrassed of him. That's why she ran out.  
"I'm so sorry! Do you want to dance one more time?" Feferi asked, clinging onto Sollux's arm for a moment.  
"No, I'm not really in the mood."  
"Come on! It'll make you feel better!" Feferi beamed. Sollux pulled his arm away from her.  
"No, FF! I'm not in the mood!" Feferi took a step back from Sollux, her smile immediately dropping. Sollux felt like an asshole, as soon as he saw. "I'm sorry, I… sure. We can dance."  
"We don't have to, Sollux, it's okay."  
"No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped at you. It's not your fault."  
Feferi smiled at Sollux again, and pulled him onto the dance floor. Sollux felt guilty- like he was somehow betraying Aradia- but it was oddly relieving and relaxing to dance with Feferi. Sollux was definitely still worried about Aradia, and worried that he'd somehow done something wrong without realizing, but Feferi was… fun, and Sollux took a _little_ bit of pleasure in knowing he was pissing Eridan off. And if his eyes weren't lying to him, he thought he saw Feferi blushing just a little bit.


	5. Not in the Closet

Chapter Five: Not in the Closet

Sollux glanced at his phone. Aradia wasn't answering his texts. Did she know that he danced with Feferi after she left? No, he reasoned with himself. It had hardly even been a day, but Sollux's guilt was wearing on him. He had half a mind to ask Mituna for some advice, but honestly it was a wonder that Latula had put up with him for so long. No, Sollux took his mind off of things the only way he knew how: by playing video games. He even got a little competitive with Mituna, busting out Mario Kart again. At some point, it turned into an all-out family tournament; even Simon joined in. Sollux was impressed by his uncle, he came the closest to beating Sollux with a very narrow second place. Sollux looked up at Simon, impressed.  
"Uncle Simon, you game?" he asked.  
"I was the champion of the N64 Mario Kart tournament in high school," Simon said, smirking a bit. Sollux pursed his lip. "What? I'm not _that_ old."

Sollux tried not to dwell on Aradia's radio silence, but he couldn't help but notice that she wasn't at their lunch table the next day, when Tavros- unusually- instigated the topic of conversation.  
"Hey, guys, my parents are out of town," Tavros said, sounding more than a bit hesitant, "so I was thinking of, having a Halloween party, at my house maybe?"  
Vriska laughed at him, to which Sollux rolled his eyes. "That's ballsy, Tavros. What happens if you get in trouble?" Vriska asked. Tavros was beginning to look a bit embarrassed.  
"Ummmm," he mumbled, "I don't know… Rufioh's in charge."  
"Ohhhhhhhh, no nosey neighbor babysitting this time?" Vriska sneered at him. Sollux had the smallest desire to smack her. He was only vaguely familiar with Harold Boxcars- he was friends with Sollux's uncle Clyde- but Vriska's ingratiating attitude and the way she managed to sound demeaning towards everyone was more than enough to grate his nerves. Tavros fiddled with his hands for a moment before answering.  
"I haven't seen Mr. Boxcars around the last couple days. I think it should be fine."  
"That sounds really fun, Tavros," Terezi said. "It's been a while since we all had a party."  
"I've been meaning to host more!" Feferi said, smiling wide as usual. "I think the holiday season will be better for parties at my house."  
"Th- that's okay, Fef, you shouldn't have to host all the time," Tavros answered. "So, yeah, you guys are all invited over for Halloween."  
Sollux frowned. "Halloween sucks, though," he muttered. Sollux didn't really like any holidays, but Halloween held a particular grievance with him. He never felt comfortable trick-or-treating, and the constant ringing of the doorbell tended to make his head hurt. If Sollux was honest with himself, though, he disliked Halloween because it was the anniversary of that accident. He hadn't been able to really celebrate since then. Feferi elbowed him lightly in the side, her smile not fading in the slightest. It seemed like Feferi was getting quite fond of him, and Sollux just couldn't say no to that face. She was pretty cute. It wouldn't hurt to work on his friendship with her, and maybe have someone to talk to that didn't call him a fuckface every other day. "Ah- fine. Sounds like a plan, then," Sollux conceded.  
"Yeah?" Tavros said, with a grin. Dang, now he was excited. Sollux guessed he really was obligated at that point. He didn't need to bring more shit into Tavros' life, the kid had enough problems. "Oh… where's Aradia?" Tavros said, glancing around. Sollux faltered when Tavros made eye contact.  
"Don't look at me!" Sollux said, trying not to shout. "I have no idea what her deal is." That was a lie, but it wasn't his place to talk about someone else's potential mental illnesses, especially since that was just based on his own assumptions. He'd be lying if he told himself he wasn't bothered by the fact that Aradia wasn't talking to him, or anyone, but there wasn't anything he could do about it, except hope she would be okay. Thankfully, Tavros turned away from him. "Um… Nepeta, you have your next class with Aradia, right?"  
Nepeta tugged on her hat. "Yeah… we have P.E. together!"  
"Could you, uh, do me a favor and tell her about the party?"  
"Of course, Tavfurros!"

Sollux tried to ignore his grumpiness for the rest of the day, and for the next week, but the prospect of celebrating Halloween again was very foreboding to him. He couldn't help but think about it during dinner, and it was making his head hurt. He sighed, taking his glasses off to rub his forehead. Carl set his fork down, looking across the table at Sollux with concern.  
"Everything alright, Sol?" he asked.  
"Ugh."  
"Sollux." It wasn't even a question. Carl said it with the kind of authority that only came out when he was incredibly concerned; his voice said 'tell me what's wrong right now'.  
"It's nothing, I just…" he dwelled on his words for a moment. He could use this opportunity to talk about the real big problem, or he could completely cop out. "I just promised Tavros that I'd go to his Halloween party, and I'm… it's kind of weird to be doing anything on Halloween again, you know?" And he took the cop out.  
Carl smiled, looking the slightest bit relieved. "Sollux, I can assure you, you have nothing to worry about. Stuff like that doesn't happen twice, and it's been… years."  
"I know, I just- what do I even wear? I could probably… put together a Two-Face outfit, maybe."  
"Well, whatever you decide to do, be safe. You know we'll be out with Mituna," Barry said.  
Sollux turned towards his brother. "Tuna, you're 17, shouldn't you be going to a party too?"  
"No, why party when there's free candy?!" Mituna shouted, excitedly.  
Sollux rolled his eyes. "What're you gonna wear, your bee kigurumi again? And… if you're all going out, shouldn't I stay here to hand out candy?" That would at least be an excuse to bail on the party.  
"Nah, I'll be here," Simon said, grinning almost knowingly at Sollux.  
"Ugh."  
"Come on, Sollux, it'll be fun," Carl said, returning to his meal.  
"You're starting to sound like Feferi."  
"Feferi?" Barry started. "Whatever happened to Aradia?"  
"Fef and I aren't _dating_. But… neither are Aradia and I, for that matter. No, she's my friend."  
"Feferi _Peixes_?" Simon asked. Sollux nodded. "Mm, careful, kiddo." Sollux scoffed. Simon had some kind of issue with the Peixeses, and it had to do with Candace, Meenah and Feferi's mother, which Sollux found kind of unfortunate. Feferi was a very sweet, almost overly saccharine girl, and Sollux was coming to value their friendship.

Sollux went to work throwing together a Halloween costume, convincing Simon to drive him to Goodwill after school to gather a few things. As he'd said- albeit in jest- Sollux decided he would go as Batman's Two-Face, and it was time for the Halloween party before he knew it.  
Sollux arrived not long after Vriska and Terezi, it seemed. He saw Aradia, bobbing along a bit to the music, and he smiled to himself. He was glad to see her smiling. Everyone else arrived slowly, and they started dancing. Sollux himself wasn't really in a dancey mood and spent most of the night sitting on Tavros' couch. Karkat strolled in, easily dragging Sollux away from the couch.  
"Come on, fucktruck, we're playing Bobbing for Apples." Sollux sighed, but that was probably what he'd enjoy most besides lounging around. Sollux took his glasses off before plunging into the water tub. He searched around for apples for as long as he could manage to hold his breath, before he popped up out of the tub, his hair soaking wet. He squinted around for a moment, no apple between his teeth, and worry that his makeup was going to get ruined from the water. He put his glasses back on and stood next to Karkat, who begrudgingly took a turn, despite playing at all having been his idea. Karkat emerged similarly to the way Sollux had, with a notable lack of apples. Sollux smirked a bit.  
"Deuces," Sollux said. It was a shitty joke, and he knew it. He'd mostly just said it to watch Karkat explode a little bit. Karkat's face crumpled up in frustration and Sollux snickered. If they were a cartoon, the water left on Karkat's face would be boiling.  
"Hey, guys, Vriska's starting another game," Terezi said, poking her head out the back door. Karkat frowned.  
"So? Does she really need everyone's attention right now?" he said.  
"Apparently. Listen, it's just gonna be easier if you come in now."  
Sollux glanced at Karkat, shrugging. "Might as well," Sollux muttered and walked inside, Karkat following him into the other room.  
"Alright, everyone, it's time for 7 Minutes in Heaven!" Vriska announced, her somewhat malicious grin taking its usual place.  
"Vriska, please, this is so ridiculous," Sollux heard himself saying. "Besides, what the fuck has this got to do with Halloween?"  
"Shut your lispy mouth, asshat," Vriska snapped. "You don't _have_ to play, but there's always the chance for some alone time with the freaky girl of your dreams," she said, nodding towards Aradia. Sollux glanced towards her, their eyes meeting for a moment before Sollux blushed and looked down at the carpet. Well, that was reason enough to stick around, but Sollux was still suspicious of Vriska. He tried not to let his mind get carried away, but it was hard not to worry about every possibility. "I have taken the liberty of putting all the lady's names into this hat, and all the boys into Terezi's," Vriska said, her eyes shifting over to Tavros as she stepped towards him. "Tavros, if you would do the honors?" She tilted her hat down towards Tavros, who pulled a slip of paper out, looking at it nervously.  
"Um, Aradia…?" Sollux could tell Tavros was uncomfortable with the situation, but nobody had a chance to react before Vriska smirked and whisked Aradia into the nearby closet.  
Aradia herself barely said anything. "Wait, what?" was all she managed to get out before Vriska murmured something to her and shut the closet door before sauntering back towards Terezi and taking a piece of paper out of the cop hat.  
"And our lucky guy is… Equius Zahhak!" she said, embellishing the way she said it. She sounded like a game show host. Sollux glanced towards Equius, who blushed a bit but made his way towards the closet door. Sollux was only vaguely aware that he was frowning deeply, and as he tried to calm himself down, his breaths sped up. He caught himself, trying to force his breathing to slow. It would be the worst time to have an episode. His head was racing. Sollux could do nothing but wait. He really didn't want to draw much attention to himself, so he just waited with the others for the seven minutes to pass. Vriska disappeared outside with Tavros for a moment, then came back in, just as her timer went off, and the closet door was yanked open, Aradia and Equius visible to all. They were far too close for Sollux's comfort. That was it. Equius had made his move. Sollux didn't even realize, at least, until Homecoming, that Equius had a thing for Aradia, but in that moment, he was cursing himself for waiting so long. Equius had the balls to do something about it, judging by their proximity to each other. Sollux saw Aradia's eyes dart to his, and he felt his heart pounding again, and he knew he was frowning. He adjusted his glasses and ran to the other room, trying to calm himself down. He felt like such a useless tool.


	6. Honesty

Chapter Six: Honesty

Sollux found himself alone in the kitchen for a moment, which he used to his advantage. He knew he needed to calm himself down; now was not the time for an episode. He took a few deep breaths, and went to the sink for a moment, splashing water onto his face. At that point, he was hardly worried about his Two-Face makeup, though it was pretty sturdy. Sollux just needed to take a moment for himself.  
"Come on, Captor," he murmured to himself. "Get it together, don't do this now." He stayed leaning over the sink for a moment, finally calming down a bit.  
"Sollux…" he heard Aradia's voice say. He jumped a bit, not wanting Aradia to suspect he was upset- though it was probably too late for that- or that he was having bigger issues. No, he thought that would only drive her further away. Sollux straightened himself out and put his glasses back on.  
"Hey, AA," he muttered, trying to sound calmer than he felt. "How was your, uh, time in 'heaven'?" he asked, hesitantly. He was pretty sure he didn't really want to know the answer, but the question was already out. Aradia looked a bit downtrodden.  
"Nothing special," she said. "Equius asked me out, though."  
"I see," Sollux said, a bit curtly. He just studied her for a while, trying to figure out the emotions on her face. She seemed a bit confused herself, and Sollux wished he could have made it better for her, but- and he felt incredibly, grossly selfish- he knew he needed to take a minute for himself. He knew he was going to come off as an asshole for walking away, but he couldn't deal with everything in that moment. He walked back into the other room, where everyone else seemed to be starting to disperse. Sollux spotted Feferi turn around towards him, and he sulked off into the hallway separating Tavros' room from the rest of the first floor. He leaned against the wall and sank down to the floor, his head pounding.  
"Sollux?" he heard Feferi's voice and grumbled. She was too nice for her own good, he thought, as she sat down next to him. "What's wrong?"  
Sollux held his head in his hands, his fingertips brushing the ends of his hair. It was a struggle not to cry. Not just about Aradia; not just because he felt like a total jackass and a shitty friend, but because of how fucked up he felt his head was. And there was Feferi, there to help him. She was so much a better person than he was. Every time he looked at her, Feferi was helping another one of their friends, putting everyone else before herself. He sighed. "I just… I'm in denial, Feferi," he muttered. "There's something wrong with me, and I'm afraid to admit it."  
Feferi scooted a little bit closer to Sollux, resting her hand on his knee. Sollux looked over at her, their eyes meeting. There was a highly unusual amount of pink in Feferi's eyes, but there was an unusual amount of understanding, and wanting to understand in them too. "There's nothing wrong with you, Sollux," she said, her voice gentle.  
"No, there is, though. I know there is. It's just… it's hard… I haven't really admitted it to anyone yet. I'm so scared, Feferi." Sollux had no idea why he was suddenly confiding in Feferi. Maybe it was because she was the only one who had bothered to listen. Aradia would have listened, but Sollux didn't want to be a bother, and he knew his family would freak out. Mituna alone was a handful.  
"It's okay to be scared. And you don't have to tell me, but maybe keeping everything bottled up isn't the right thing to do, either. It's only natural to need to share."  
"You think?"  
"Yeah, and like I said. You don't have to tell me, but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here," Feferi said. She started to stand up.  
"Feferi, wait!" Sollux said, grabbing her wrist. Feferi turned to face him again, a bit surprised. Sollux stood up, too, letting go of her hand. "A few years ago, after… what happened… well, after that, I got diagnosed with OCD. They said I probably had compulsive tendencies before, but the trauma probably amplified them, and I've managed to work on controlling those compulsions. I hardly even notice anymore, but now there's something else… I…" Sollux's voice trailed off. He wanted to be able to say it, but he wasn't. A thick lump in his throat made it impossible to speak. Sollux took a hard swallow. No, Feferi was here, and she wanted to help, and the only help Sollux felt he could take was just someone to listen. "I… I think I might be bipolar." Feferi's eyes widened a bit, and Sollux immediately regretted telling her.  
"And you haven't told anyone else?" Feferi asked, after a moment.  
"N-no," Sollux stammered. "I don't… I don't want to know how my fathers would react."  
"Sollux, you know they would only want what's best for you. But if you're not ready for that, it's okay. I can keep a secret."  
"Really?"  
"Of course! But promise me, if it gets really bad, Sollux… promise me you'll look for help."  
Sollux gulped again, and then nodded. "Okay, Feferi. I promise." Feferi smiled, and pulled Sollux into a tight hug. "You're a good friend," Sollux muttered, blinking a couple of teardrops away.

The rest of the night at Tavros' was uneventful; they watched a couple Halloween-themed movies and then went to bed- a few people had to leave, but Sollux stayed for the night. Thankfully, it wasn't an insomnia kind of night, and his headache seemed to back off, so Sollux actually managed to sleep as well as he could on the floor of Tavros' bedroom, and Simon picked him up the next morning.  
Simon's car was much smaller than the van that Sollux's fathers used, and Sollux sat in the front seat, something that he didn't usually get to do. Simon was quiet when Sollux got in the car, and Sollux didn't particularly mind, but he was thinking about what Feferi had told him, about bottling everything up. Maybe it would help to have someone in the house who knew what was going on. He knew telling his dads would only work them up, and telling Mituna obviously wouldn't be a good idea. About halfway through the drive home, Sollux finally spoke up.  
"Hey, Uncle Simon, can I talk to you about something?" Sollux said, nervousness kicking in again.  
"Hmm? Of course you can, Sol."  
"Well… umm… I've kind of been having this episodes? I think… I don't think I'm really, mentally well, you know?"  
Simon glanced over at Sollux for a moment. "What do you… what kind of episodes?"  
"Well…" Sollux was growing more hesitant. There was a sickness in his gut he couldn't explain. "I mean, I've always kind of had issues, but lately sometimes things go really fast? I don't really need to sleep when it's fast, and I feel really… happy. Like, overly happy and overly energetic and productive. And then sometimes it's really groggy and slow and I can't even get out of bed, except I know I have to, and… I did a little research, and, everything I've read points to the same thing… bipolar disorder."  
Simon grunted. "That's a pretty solid self-diagnosis. Sollux, does that scare you?"  
"Yeah, of course it scares me."  
"Well, you don't have to face it alone. I know exactly how you feel."  
Sollux scoffed. "How the hell would you know? I'm fucking 14, and my brain is the most fucked up thing on the planet."  
"If it's any help to know, I have BPD too," Simon said. Sollux drew very quiet, then. Simon cleared his throat. "You said you've always kind of had issues. What do you mean by that?"  
"I've felt weird about myself for a long time, Uncle Simon. Hey- every word I tell you doesn't leave this car, okay?"  
"Sollux, I-"  
"No! Please don't tell my dads. I know Pops is your brother and all, but… please promise me you won't tell them yet."  
Simon sighed, a lot of hesitation in his voice. "Okay. Fine. This stays between you and me, for now."  
"Okay, well, I've always felt like my brain does weird things. It started a really long time ago… we couldn't have been more than like, 9. My friend Vriska gave me a Ouija board, and told me I could use it to talk to dead people. Well, I never had much interest in that, but, when Aradia's mom died, Dad insisted we go over to Daniel's house to give our condolences. I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to bring it with me, this was before Aradia and I were even really friends. I remember getting out of the car, and Dads started chatting with Daniel, and they dismissed me to go outside. Aradia was sitting there, in this little hole in her lawn holding a spade, but she was crying, too. I'd heard my dads mention her name, so I said hello.  
'Hi, uhm, Aradia?' I said, and she looked up at me. I stuck my hand out to help her up, and she stood and wiped her tears and brushed herself off.  
'Hi…' she muttered. We had class together but had never really hung out on the playground or anything. 'What's your name?' she asked me. I remember being a little embarrassed because believe it or not, my lisp was even worse then than it is now.  
'M'names Sollux. Captor," I told her.  
'Tholluckth?' she giggled back at me, and I blushed.  
'Don't make fun of me!'  
'Sorry,' Aradia said. She came close to me. 'Your eyes don't match,' she said, and then she apologized again.  
'S'alright,' I told her. 'Uhm, I guess my dads know your dad, and I heard about your mom.'  
'Oh.'  
'They told me to come out and talk to you. We brought flowers.' She wasn't looking at me anymore. 'I bet you miss her, huh? I miss my parents too. Or I guess… I just wish I could meet them.'  
'I thought you said you were here with your dads.'  
'Yeah, but two daddies can't have a baby, dummy. I mean my real parents.'  
'Oh.'  
It was at that point I got an idea. I knew Aradia wanted to talk to her mom, one last time. I would too, if I were her. And I remembered that stupid fucking Ouija board that was in the car, and I thought I was a genius. 'Hey!' I exclaimed at her. 'Do you want to talk to her again?' Aradia nodded at me. 'I have something that can help!' I was really excited and I took her hand and we ran inside. I got the Oujia board out of the car and we went up to Aradia's bedroom, feeling like a couple of geniuses.  
'Sollux, are you sure about this?' Aradia asked me.  
'Mhm! If you get scared, you can hold my hand,' I told her."  
Simon chuckled a bit. "Wow, a regular Casanova, even back then."  
"Oh, please," Sollux scoffed. "I'm a fucking loser. She wouldn't go out with me if I were the last guy on Earth. But anyway, I asked the board if there were any spirits around. It didn't move at first, but then the planchette moved towards the yes. I asked the spirit what its name was, and it started to spell out her mother's name. The rest… is fuzzy. The room started to rumble, kind of like an earthquake. Aradia and I fell on opposite sides of the room. I tried to open the door, got it open, and both of us ran out of the room. And ever since then, Aradia has told me she has voices in her head, and I get this sick feeling of dread sometimes, like, when I feel like something really bad is going to happen. It feels like I know, sometimes… I don't know."  
Simon was quiet for a moment, then he spoke. "Sometimes our intuition is right. I don't think that's a sign of anything wrong with you."  
"Yeah, well, it gets better," Sollux bit back. "I'm sure Pops has told you about my OCD? Or whatever it is Mituna's garbage brain does now?"  
"Sollux, don't… say things like that about your brother. He has serious mental damage."  
"Yeah, I fucking know. I remember; I was there. His friends were all being stupid assholes a couple years ago and dicking around at that old train station on Halloween. He told them not to go; he used to get that same sick gut feeling I have, and he felt like something really really terrible was going to happen. But they didn't listen. And he had no idea what the terrible thing was, so he panicked. He got in the car he wasn't supposed to drive- he had his learner's permit at the time- and I got in because I didn't want him to do anything stupid, and he didn't want to leave me at home by myself, so we just went. Mituna, by the way, drives like a madman. If he ever gets his head screwed back on enough to get a driver's license, don't get in the car with him. Anyway, where was I?"  
"You guys both left…"  
"Right, so. I had my sick gut feeling too, that was why I went. I was afraid my brother was going to get hurt. And I noticed the airbag light was on. I told Mituna to pull over; I wanted to double-check if something was wrong with the car, but he was too afraid to stop. He was too afraid and rushed to even put his fucking seatbelt on. And he races over to that old train station, or the street it was on, anyway, and… I guess he did save his friends. Some idiot lost control of his car, and was headed straight for that old train station. And it's fucking old, so the whole thing would have come right down on top of all of them."  
"But it didn't?"  
"Nope. The building was totally fine. But I bet you know what got hit instead."  
"The car…" Simon said, a bit wistfully.  
"Yup. He hit us almost head on; there was a little bit of an angle, but it wasn't good. Car got totaled; that why Dads are down to one car, still. I was fine; my airbag went off and I was buckled in. But Mituna…"  
Simon knew the rest of the story. "He whacked his head really badly in the accident and hasn't ever recovered."  
Sollux sighed. "Yeah."  
"And the airbag. That's when your compulsions started, yeah?" Sollux could tell Simon understood what had happened. Sollux still felt guilty for not being able to save his brother. If he'd only checked the airbag sooner… he'd been aware of it for a while, and didn't have much knowledge about cars, but he still felt some guilt. That was what led him to double-checking everything. Well, it was a lot better now, but the consequences would probably never go away. Mituna was probably never going to get better, and Sollux couldn't help but blame himself. "Listen, Sollux, it wasn't your fault. You were, what, 12? Mituna was 15, 16 years old? Crazy, stupid things happen when we're kids…" Simon pulled over, parking the car outside their house. "I take it your fathers don't know why that accident happened the way that it did?"  
"No, nobody really knows why Mituna took the car except for me. None of Mituna's friends even realize he saved them, except for Kurloz. He was the only one who saw Mituna getting hauled away in the ambulance. God! Why is my life so fucked up?"  
Simon frowned. "It'll be okay, Sollux. You know, my life was kind of fucked up too."  
"Sounds like it still is."  
"You have no idea. Talking to people helps. For now, you have me. But your dads need to know… about the BPD, anyway. They want to help you. Everyone knows something odd is going on with you, and it won't get any better until you make it better."  
"I guess you're right… I'm just not ready."  
"That's okay. I'm proud of you for telling me what you did. When you're ready, you'll share." Simon got out of the car and sauntered inside. Sollux sat in the car for a minute longer, thinking. It did feel good to talk to Simon about things. Maybe… not yet. He couldn't tell his dads yet. Especially about the accident. What if they thought it was his fault too?


	7. Mituna

Chapter Seven: Mituna

Mituna hit himself on the head. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!" he shouted as his skateboard rolled away from him. "Ahhh I can't do it, Tulip, I'm sthoooooo… stupid…" Latula walked over to Mituna, and picked him up off the ground.  
"Come on, Tuna, you can do it, babe." She kissed him on the cheek before going to retrieve his skateboard from wherever it had rolled off to. Mituna shook his head, feeling his helmet rattle around against his skull. He'd be completely useless without Latula. All his friends already thought he was useless. He tried to shake the thought away as Latula trotted back over to him, holding her board under one arm and his under the other. "Alright, Mituna, try again," she said, thrusting the board into his hands. Mituna was baffled.  
"Tula, I… don' wanna fall anymore."  
"Come on, babe, you got this." Mituna truly felt like a failure. He didn't deserve her. All he ever did was flail around and fall on his ass. He couldn't even remember how they'd started dating. A lot of his long-term memory was missing. He remembered the last few years, and even that was fuzzy, but he did remember that he knew how to skateboard.  
"Ack- you're right. I c-c-can do this!" Mituna got back on his board, and tried again, and promptly fell off again. "AHHHH!" he shouted. His temper was getting to him, and his constant failure was incredibly frustrating. "Ah! I'm… disappointing you, Tulip. I'm just so… retar-"  
"Radical! You're radical, Mituna. I…" Mituna looked up. Latula was tearing up a bit. Mituna stood up and took his helmet off, approaching Latula. He placed his hands gently on her shoulders.  
"Tulip, don't cry. Please don't cry. I'm sorry." Latula sniffled as Mituna pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry I screw up so much," he murmured into her ear.  
"You don't screw up, babe. I love you."  
"I love you too, Tulip. Can we go?"  
Latula sighed. "Yeah… let's just go to my house," she said, her voice incredibly resigned.  
"This skate park is dumb anyway."

Latula was quiet on the drive back to her house. Mituna felt like he'd done something wrong. "Tulip?" he asked. "Is everything okay?"  
"Yeah, Tuna… everything's fine. I… I'm fine." Mituna grinned at her. God damn, Latula Pyrope was the most beautiful person he'd ever seen. The way her brown hair framed her face, those little freckles splattered all over her cheeks, those aqua-teal-greenish eyes perched perfectly behind her little square glasses. Mituna loved that girl so much. "Hey, Tulip, let's turn on some jams," he said, reaching for the radio knob. There was hardly ever anything good on the radio. Mituna flipped through Latula's preset radio stations a few times before she loudly sighed at him, and Mituna settled on a station playing some bullshit pop music. Latula frowned for a moment, and Mituna glanced at her, turning the radio back off. She seemed impatient with him, like he was being a nuisance. "Sorry," Mituna muttered. He really didn't want to seem annoying to Latula. There was something he'd been wanting to ask her.  
Latula seemed to ease up through the rest of the drive, though it was evident even to Mituna that there was something on her mind. They rolled up into Latula's driveway.  
"Looks like Mom is still working," Latula muttered. "Not that I'm surprised." The two walked into the house, Mituna taking a moment to kiss Latula on the cheek at the door. She smiled and held his hand. "Terezi, I'm home! Mituna's here too!" Latula called into the house before plopping onto the couch in the middle of the living room. Mituna sat down beside her, the house oddly quiet. "Terezi?" Latula asked again, before shrugging. "Maybe she's with Karkat or something." Mituna grinned.  
"Sthweet! Then we have the place to ourselves," he said, kissing Latula on the cheek again and again, small, sweet kisses. Latula fell, laying down on the couch with a spurt of laughter as Mituna's tiny kisses worked down to her neck and shoulder. He pulled back for a moment, looking down at Latula as she pushed his hair out of his face, letting their eyes meet. She smiled, her eyes lighting up, and Mituna smiled back at her. She pulled him in for a kiss on the lips before gently pushing him off. Mituna giggled a bit. She made him feel so… alive. So happy.  
"So… Tulip," Mituna said, after a few episodes of-what were they watching?- _Parks and Recreation_ went by. "I… was thinking."  
"A very dangerous habit," Latula said, chortling a bit.  
"Tulaaaaa, I'm being serious!" Mituna was surprised at himself. He was hardly ever serious. Latula glanced over at him, pausing the TV.  
"What is it?" she asked.  
"Well. You and I have been dating for… like a super-long time, right? And I just, ah, thought that…" Mituna dwelled on his words for a moment. He had to think and overthink his words. They never seemed to come out the right way, and he didn't want to fuck things up with Latula. He loved her too much to risk fucking things up. "Agh."  
"What?"  
"I want… us to… I love you, Tulip. And I wanna… this is, this is so hard. Words are hard."  
Latula raised an eyebrow, before stroking Mituna gently on the cheek. "Shh, it's okay, my love."  
Mituna felt his eyes widen and his cheeks flushed. He put his hand on top of hers, still on his cheek. "I want you… to be my first. First everything. I- I- I… you were my first kiss! My first, first love! And… ugh. I d-don't… know if that came out right." Mituna was blushing furiously at that point, embarrassed that he'd even brought it up. Latula stared blankly at him for a moment.  
"Mituna," Latula started. "Has Cronus been giving you shit about this?"  
"What? N-no! I… well. Yes. But that doesn't mean it's not true. Cronus is… a shithead. I don' know why he hates me so much. I feel like… that's wrong? He… shouldn't… I din't do anything to him."  
"No, you're right, you didn't."  
"He didn't used to hate me, right? I remember… a little bit. He and I were friends. Does he hate me because I'm broken?"  
"You are _not_ broken, Tuna."  
"Yes I am," Mituna said, feeling the weight in his words. He really felt those words were true, and his mood suddenly shifted.  
"God dammit!" Latula shouted, standing from the couch. "Mituna Captor, you are _not_ broken! You listen to me right now, you have made it through two years since your accident, and has it been hard? Yes! But you've made it this far. You're almost done with high school. Just because you're different doesn't mean you're damaged. And I can't stand to see you hate yourself because of it." Tears were pooling in her eyes. "And for that matter, why is this always what we talk about?"  
"Wh-what?"  
"I'm… sorry, Tuna," she said, losing the fire in her voice. "I didn't mean to yell, I just hate to see you like this."  
"Don't be sorry."  
"Just… I also hate that this is always how the day ends. I know Cronus sucks, and I know you shouldn't let him get to you, but… God. Mituna, you're not the only one with problems. Don't you understand that I have my own insecurities? Why can't you… why do we always focus on you? A relationship means mutual support and I feel like… you don't emotionally support me. And it's so frustrating to feel that way! Because I know you can't always help it, and I know you love me, and I love you too, but I'm just so… inadequate."  
That was when Mituna got protectively angry. "Latula Pyrope, you aren't _fucking_ inadequate. You don't have t-to fake a thing. I think you… are beautiful, and amazing and sweet and generous, and if anyone else is too _stupid_ to see that, they don't deserve anything from you. N-not even friendship." Mituna was surprised at himself. He wasn't usually very eloquent.  
"Maybe we're both broken."  
"If I know anything I know you're not broken."  
"Maybe it's just anxiety talking."  
"Latula, I will fight _anyone_ who thinks you aren't the BEST girl ever," Mituna laughed a bit.  
Latula couldn't help but laugh at that point. "You're not a fighter. Not in your nature."  
"Aha! You're right; I'm a lover. And I love you."  
"I love you too, Tuna," Latula said, biting her lip coyly. "And, well, since you asked, maybe we can move into the bedroom?" Mituna's face flushed before he let out a loud laugh.  
"Yeah-heah!" he shouted. Latula giggled, and the two nearly sprinted up the stairs to her bedroom. Mituna tripped at the top of the stairs, but it barely stopped him. He jumped onto Latula's bed, and Latula followed him quickly. She crawled on top of him, grinning wide as she pushed her lips against his.

Mituna laughed as Latula settled against him. He still got goosebumps when their bare skin touched. "Ahaha, you're the best, Tulip." Latula giggled and sighed, kissing Mituna on the cheek.  
"As great as this is, Terezi's probably going to be home soon. We should get dressed."  
"Aww, but you're so hot!"  
"Tuna," Latula chided. Mituna grumbled before getting up to collect his clothes. His phone went off on the bedside as he was pulling his pants back on. Mituna glanced over at it, Sollux's name appearing on the screen.  
"Uh, hey, nerd!" Mituna answered, picking up his phone.  
"Mituna, where the fuck are you?" his little brother asked, his voice a mix of concern and anger.  
"None of your beeswax!"  
"Ugh. Mituna, you were supposed to be home by now, where _are_ you?"  
"I'm with Tulip, god!"  
"Okay, well come home please."  
"Fuck no!"  
"Mituna. I don't want to call Dad but I will."  
"Aaaaagh!" Mituna hung up on Sollux, refraining from slamming his phone on Latula's nightstand. Latula glanced over at him as she pulled a teal tanktop on.  
"Who was that?" she asked.  
"Sollux."  
"Do you have to go?"  
"Noooo! I don' wanna."  
"Tunaaa, come on. I'll give you a ride."  
Mituna's face crumpled. "Nooo… You wanna be home when Terezi gets here. I can walk home."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Mhm!"

Mituna made his way home in high spirits, feeling the wind in his hair as he skated. He could skate just fine on the sidewalk, it was just the tricks that always got to him. He cut through the small park in the neighborhood, making it almost all the way through before a foot came out in front of his skateboard, stopping it and sending him flying into the grass. Mituna rubbed his head and stood up, finding Cronus standing nearby.  
"Well, well, well, chief. Guess you shoulda been wearing your helmet. Speaking of which, you get a new one?" Mituna frowned. Every time he was around Cronus, his brain spazzed the fuck out, even more than usual. He stood up from the grass, brushing off his shirt.  
"No, you fuckfththhhh," Mituna hissed.  
"Easy there, it was a joke. Of course it's not a new helmet, do you think I'm… uh, short on common sense?"  
"No."  
"Hahaha. You're really priceless, Captor. Have I ever told you what a cool cat I think you are?" Cronus set his hand on Mituna's shoulder, the skateboard under Cronus' other arm.  
"Why are you touching me?" Mituna asked, leaning away from Cronus.  
"I really feel like you're one of the only people I can open up to about my feelings. I guess it really does help to confide in someone who basically lacks the ability to repeat what you say with any clarity or coherence, or even understand what you said in the first place." Was that an insult? Mituna's focus was on how uncomfortable Cronus' touch was making him.  
"You're still touching me and I don't understand why this is happening."  
"But truth be told, I always felt that way about you before you even started having, well, your issues. We always had a good thing together, didn't we?" Cronus asked. Mituna couldn't remember. He felt like… he felt like he was supposed to be friends with Cronus, but something about it was wrong. His memories were mush.  
"I don't want your hand there," Mituna said, trying not to flip out.  
"Don't get me wrong, I know you and Latula have been together for years, though let's face facts, she could obviously do better. And I mean _much_ better. Really, she is just in a totally different league; she is charming and gorgeous, whereas you are, well… you, unfortunately. And I wouldn't dare to intrude on your friendship with Kurloz, and not because he scares the shit out of me either. That just really seems to work, you and him, doesn't it? I don't get a peep out of him, of course, not even if I'm super nice and compliment his hideous hair, and obviously I receive nothing but disgusting horseshit out of your mouth every time you open it. But you seem to bring out good qualities in each other, no? Is it true, the rumor that you are actually lucid when you talk to him, instead of behaving like a babbling, vertigo-stricken imbecile?" Cronus was ranting at that point. Had Mituna done something wrong?  
"Why won't the weird touching stop?" Mituna wanted to step away from Cronus, but he felt stuck.  
"But what I'm trying to say is, you don't judge like the others. Well, okay, you do, but I can't really take your vitriol that seriously because you are so obviously… reticent with your true emotions. Like for instance, who could I confide in when I began to change my image? Nobody. Except you, of course. You don't care about that. You don't mock me for it and trivialize my tragic existence. Well, you do, but the point I'm trying to make is that when you mock me, it doesn't actually mean anything, because everything you say is such putrid nonsense.  
"I want that your hand to not be on my body please," Mituna said. Cronus had a firm grip, and there was something about what he was saying that Mituna felt like he had to listen.  
"What? No, come on, guy. I'm just giving you a friendly little shoulder massage, with one hand, like this." Cronus turned his fingers in little circles on Mituna's shoulder, and he really wanted to leave, at that point, but Cronus still had his board hostage. "See? In a way that seems very casual, like friends do. Please don't make this more awkward than it needs to be."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I forgive you. Now hold that thought. I'm going to see if I can go catch up with Meenah. Don't follow me, because obviously you're going to cramp my style. How does my hair look? Nevermind, you don't know what you're talking about." Cronus finally let go of Mituna's shoulder, and Mituna took a step back as Cronus handed him his skateboard back.  
"Can I come with you?" he asked Cronus.  
"Jeepers, you're a thick-headed fella. I just told you to stay put. I'm going to try out some especially bold moves on Peixes over there, really put out the vibe, you dig? I don't think I need to remind you that your presence will be like spraying with libidocide."  
"What?"  
"Uh, Earth to Captor. Hello, this is mission control, is anything getting through? I am saying that your presence is sexual poison, and if you are drooling nearby while I chat her up, she will become distracted, and have trouble picturing me naked. As a wing man, I must say, you are a true fucking disgrace."  
"I'm sorry."  
"Please stop apologizing so much, it's really unattractive. At this point, even _I'm_ not sure if I want to sleep with you."  
"Latula slept with me."  
"You fucking liar. Latula probably just feels bad for you at this point."  
Mituna was ready to boil over. Cronus was such a shit, but they were supposed to be friends, right? "No, Tulip loves me! You're just jealous. You pieshe of fugging garabage!" Welp, there he went, forgetting how to pronounce things. Cronus faltered for a second, looking more than a little taken aback, then spoke again.  
"Whatever, I'm gonna go tell Meenah some jokes about how hilarious it was when you fell on your face just now, and what an absolute fuckup you are on every level." Cronus began to walk away, and Mituna gathered his things, before Cronus turned back for a moment. "Oh, I almost forgot. I've been working on a song I think you might-"  
"Your music is shit and I fucking hate you."  
"Wow, Hahaha. Fair enough. Really, that's totally fair. Hurtful beyond my ability to capture with language, but fair."  
"I'm sorry."  
"No you're not. You're lying. Your whole bifurcated demeanor is such an act. Half the time you are noxious and incomprehensible, and the other half you are mild and contrite? Sure, _pal_. As if I'm not _so_ on to you. You only pretend to say you're sorry to get girls to like you more. Sure seems like Pyrope's a sucker for the ruse. Like I'm not familiar with _those_ tactics. Who do you think wrote the book one that?"  
"I don't know wow wrote the book."  
"Be quiet. I really dislike the sound of you."  
"I'm sorry."  
"I said shut up! Do you have any idea what I should do to you for speaking to me this way? I am so sick of having to pretend to treat you with the dignity you wouldn't deserve even if you _could_ count the scars on my forehead. You couldn't tell me the answer if I asked what your favorite number was."  
"Two!"  
"Don't interrupt. You're a horrible friend and a horrible person. Latula is only with you out of pity. She doesn't have real feelings for you. No one could. You are a brain-damaged reject with friends that are rejects. A reject's reject."  
Mituna felt angry tears boiling in his eyes before he grabbed his stuff and skated away, Cronus smirking as he went.

Mituna wiped his tears as he walked into the front door, Sollux looking up at him.  
"You okay, Mituna?" he asked, coming towards him.  
"No! Cronus Ampora is a fuckin' dickweed piece of shitththth."  
Sollux sighed. "I know, bro. Come on, let's play some Mario Kart. Maybe that'll make you feel better."


	8. Mistletoe Kisses

Chapter Eight: Mistletoe Kisses

Sollux wasn't sure to feel about the holiday season. Sure, it was definitely nice to get a break from school, but the social obligations were just as overwhelming. Feferi was throwing a pre-Christmas party, which he was obligated to attend, and his uncle Clyde was dragging them all to Mr. Slick's Christmas Eve party, so he was also obligated to attend, and if Sollux had to bet on it, Feferi would throw a New Years' party. It was crazy to believe November had gone so quickly. And not in the manic sense, Sollux chuckled in his head at his own self-deprecating humor. Sollux sighed as he checked the time on his computer. It was almost time to leave for Feferi's party. He let out another sigh that turned into a groan halfway through before opening up Pesterchum.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey KK  
TA: you're going to FF's party, right?  
CG: Yeah, why?  
TA: just wanna make sure there's gonna be at least one tolerable person there.  
CG: I mean  
CG: Feferi's tolerable.  
CG: And Aradia's going.  
CG: Honestly I don't see why you need to bother me just to EASE YOUR PATHETIC SOCIAL ANXIETY.  
TA: your finger slipped on the caps lock again.  
CG: I DON'T EVEN CARE RIGHT NOW.  
TA: and also aradia's being weird around me lately  
CG: YOU MEAN MORESO THAN USUAL?  
TA: i guess?  
CG: WELL SHE AND EQUIUS ARE DATING, AREN'T THEY?  
CG: OF COURSE YOU TWO HAVE THAT WEIRD CHEMISTRY BUT IT'S NOT GOING TO BE THE SAME WHEN SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE  
TA: jesus christ don't remind me  
TA: and for the love of fuck you don't need to write in all caps  
TA: it's giving me a headache  
CG: Fine.  
CG: Anyway stop being a fucking whiner about it.  
TA: you don't get to give me lectures about whining, you've done nothing but whine about getting with terezi for years.  
CG: Shut the fuck up, that's completely different.  
TA: no it's not!  
TA: and you're gonna whine now because she's showing interest in someone else  
TA: so  
TA: i guess you and i have that in common  
CG: Dude there is so much shit between me and Terezi and Dave  
CG: But I guess you're right  
CG: Neither of us need to be so pathetic about it.  
TA: yeah  
TA: anyway  
TA: see you later

twinArmageddons [TA] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Sollux took a step out of his fathers' car as they pulled up to the Peixes house, which was a verifiable mansion. Feferi seemed to host a lot of parties, but Sollux had actually never seen her house before. The driveway from the street was ludicrously long, and it pulled up into a roundabout with a fountain in the middle, the entire entryway framing the front door in perfect symmetry. Sollux couldn't help but wonder what they did with all the space. Mrs. Peixes only had Feferi and one other child. Still, he figured it would be nice to not have to worry about money. His parents, and Aradia's and Tavros' weren't the best off. Sollux shivered on his walk to the door, feeling glad he was wearing a turtleneck under his t-shirt. He wouldn't be surprised if it started snowing soon. He walked up to Feferi's door, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets, and sighed, reading the note taped to the door that read 'come on in!' written in what looked like a bright pink gel pen. He chuckled a bit to himself, shaking his head.  
"Ah, Feferi," he muttered as he opened the door. It seemed like he was fairly early, as most of their friends were not there yet. He walked into what he assumed was the living room, noticing several bundles of mistletoe strung up from the ceiling as he went, and found Rose, Kanaya, Eridan, and Feferi. Feferi looked up at him, joy in her bright eyes.  
"Sollux!" she said with a grin, bounding over and hugging him. Sollux was a bit startled, but then leaned back in the hug. "I'm glad you came!" Eridan narrowed his eyes at them, which Sollux couldn't help but notice, and when Feferi pulled away from the hug, Sollux subtly flipped Eridan off before sitting down at the table with Rose and Kanaya, simply observing the pure gayness radiating between the two, even if they were oblivious to it.  
"Your dark-spectacled cousin has advised me on a more effective method for conversing with you. I think his contention is that this strategy will have the sort of opposite of the intended effect and precipitate a sort of bond between us that is established in mutual antagonism," Kanaya said. Sollux snorted. She had such a precise way of saying things. "What do you think about this?"  
"I think you're shrewd to have recognized his ploy of sabotage, and you've earned my compliments," Rose answered. Kanaya smiled.  
"Ah, see, it is working already."  
"What is?"  
"I've listened to his advice, and have resolved to modify the approach slightly. I know what I have to do. What we have to do, really."  
"What's that?"  
"Remember the first time we spoke?"  
Sollux didn't get too entrenched in their flirtationship as Karkat came in at that moment and flopped onto the couch after giving a grouchy hello to everyone, and Sollux joined him.  
"Jesus, Sol, what're you doing hanging out with those two?" Karkat asked.  
"Feferi's still putting stuff out I guess? So the only other choice was Eridan. Believe me, I'd rather sit through a snark-off with Rose and Kanaya than deal with that guy."  
"What're they even talking about?"  
"Hell if I know. Rose obfuscates half of what she says and Kanaya has no idea how to flirt. But I guarantee they'll be together by New Years'," Sollux muttered.  
The rest of their friends joined slowly, and Sollux's butt remained firmly on the couch, moving over only slightly when Vriska insisted, and then John plopped down beside her. He didn't say anything as the two began chatting.  
"Did you have a chance to watch that awesome video I linked you to?" John asked. There was far too much enthusiasm in his voice.  
"What video?" Vriska asked.  
"You know… the one about the renegade hero who busted loose from the slammer to save the day."  
"John, the way you describe movies makes them sound incredibly stupid. Why would I want to watch this crap?" Sollux wasn't really listening to what was going on. He couldn't help but wonder why Aradia was running so late to the party. He thought she'd said she was going. And then he realized Equius wasn't there either, and felt his face flush, feeling more than a little jealous, even if he wouldn't admit it. Tavros had entered at some point in that conversation and Sollux gave him a very miniscule wave hello. A scene between Tavros and Vriska broke loose, and Tavros wheeled himself into the other room out of embarrassment. Sollux scowled at Vriska, and she scowled back.  
"What the fuck are _you_ looking at, Four Eyes?" she sneered. Sollux scoffed before standing up from the couch, opening up a space for Dave to jump in and save John from Vriska, even if John was unaware he needed saving. Feferi cleared her throat a bit, very clearly trying to drive everyone's attention away from the unfolding drama.  
"Um, I turned the other room into a dance floor of sorts! And watch out for mistletoe, I put a lot out!" she said, a playful edge in her voice. Sollux couldn't help but laugh to himself as Eridan's face crumpled at the mention of mistletoe. He didn't really have a specific reason to hate Eridan, but the kid was just so _hateable._ It was probably a shitty thing to do, but Eridan did and said a lot of shitty stuff too.  
After a moment, Sollux felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to see Feferi looking at him. "Hey, uh, Sollux?" She was blushing as she talked to him. "Um, can you help me with something in the other room? I'm not… quite tall enough." He doubted that was true, since he only had about an inch over Feferi, but he didn't say anything about that. Feferi was too nice for him to deny her.  
"Yeah, sure, FF. What's up?" She beamed at him as she took his hand and dragged him into the other room.  
"See that?" she asked, pointing up. How convenient, Sollux thought. She dragged him right under the mistletoe. "Can you just, adjust it a little bit?" Sollux grunted a bit, before pulling over the bench from the nearby piano (seriously? Feferi didn't even _play_ piano, and Sollux seriously doubted Meenah did either) and stepping onto it. He could still hardly reach the ceiling, even on his tiptoes, but he fussed with the mistletoe anyway.  
"Which way do you want me to move it?" he muttered to Feferi.  
"Um, a bit to the left? No, my left," she said. Sollux couldn't have moved it more than two inches before Feferi piped up again. "Oh, right there is perfect!"  
Sollux sighed as he affixed the mistletoe back into the ceiling and stepped down from the bench. "Thanks, Sollux!" Feferi said, grinning at him again.  
"Yeah, no problem," he muttered, starting to walk back into the main room. Feferi's hand was at his shoulder again, tugging him back around to face her.  
"Hey, Sollux…" Feferi muttered, "I didn't really ask you in here to help with that; it didn't really need to be moved."  
"You don't say," Sollux said flatly.  
"I asked you to come in here, because… whale…I mean, I think I…. lately I've started to _reely_ like you, Sollux. I get little… butterflies in my tummy when we hang out, and at first I thought it was silly; I thought it was because we spend a lot of time together in class. But then you told me all that stuff at the Halloween party and it felt really… intimate? Like, I felt special that you trusted me with all that." Sollux felt his face turning red. His fucked up head made her like him _more?_ "And I just think that, maybe we could be a reely good couple?"  
"FF, I-" Sollux was suddenly cut off by Feferi's lips on his. He leaned back out of surprise in the first moment, but then pushed back a bit, letting it happen. Well, Feferi was always sweet and nice and cute, and it wasn't like he could even date Aradia at that point in time. Why not give it a shot, he figured. Feferi pulled away from the kiss, both of their faces reddening.  
"Ah, I'm sorry, Sollux! I just thought—and we're under the mistletoe, and I-"  
"FF, it's okay. I'd love to… go out with you," he said. It didn't feel like a lie, either. Maybe he and Feferi _would_ be a good couple. Maybe the next year would be his year.


	9. Mind and Heart

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

TA: FF  
CC: Hi Sollux!  
CC : Is everything okay?  
TA: no  
TA: everything's so fast  
TA: i know i should sleep but i can't  
CC: Sollux  
TA: there's so much i need to do  
CC: Sollux  
TA: like fuck i haven't even wrapped all the presents yet  
TA: i fucking suck at wrapping so i didn't do it and now it's christmas eve and i've only wrapped two fucking presents  
CC: SOLLUX!  
CC: You're manic.  
TA: i'm not manic  
CC: Everything's going too fast?  
CC: That usually means you're manic.  
TA: i can't  
TA: i can't breathe  
CC: Sollux please!  
CC: You have to try to calm down.  
TA: you're right  
CC: Take a breath.  
TA: okay.  
CC: Better?  
TA: a little  
TA: sorry  
CC: No, please, you don't need to apologize.  
CC: But, Sollux, if it's getting this bad maybe you should tell your dads.  
TA: no!  
TA: that is a colossally bad idea  
CC: Why?  
TA: i really just don't need them to fuss over me more than they already do  
CC: Sollux, it's okay to need help sometimes.  
TA: maybe  
TA: maybe you're right  
TA: you usually are…  
CC: I wouldn't say that!  
CC: I just want you to be healthy and happy  
TA: why would you even give a shit?  
CC: Because I'm your gillfriend, silly!  
CC: And I care about you  
TA: ugh  
TA: your fishpuns  
TA: they've wounded me  
CC: Heehee!  
CC: But seariously, Sollux  
CC: You can't keep up like this  
TA: i know  
TA: okay fine  
TA: i'll tell my dads soon  
CC: It'll help  
CC: I promise.  
TA: okay  
CC: I do need to get to bed, Sollux.  
TA: please do, FF  
TA: have a good christmas  
CC: You too, darling.  
CC: Wrap your presents  
CC: And please, try to get some sleep.  
TA: okay  
TA: you're the best  
CC: 3

cuttlefishCuller [CC] has ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux sighed. He liked having Feferi to talk to. She was a great help. But he wasn't sure that he _really_ felt romantically attracted to her. The little pink heart at the end of their chat was taunting him. They'd only been together for a couple weeks, since the mistletoe incident. Sollux gripped his head, hoping he could force his headache away before he went back to wrapping presents. Why did he procrastinate? He hated doing things so last minute, but he also knew it was his own fault. He still had like 6 presents left to wrap. He'd done Mituna's and Simon's already, and he needed to wrap both of the gifts for his dads, one for his uncle Clyde, one for Feferi, one for Karkat, and one for Aradia. He'd gotten it a while ago, but it felt… weird to give it to her at that point. It was a necklace with a small ruby gem in the pendant. He'd picked it up because it reminded him of Aradia's eyes. Sollux sighed. He couldn't tell her that; she had a boyfriend. And Sollux had a girlfriend. No, he couldn't give Aradia that present. It was too much. He set it aside, away from the other presents, as he finished wrapping them up. Once he finished, Sollux let out another long sigh and collapsed onto his bed. He certainly wasn't in a state to get much sleep, but it was worth trying.

Christmas morning was the typical Christmas morning among the Captors. Sollux's most notable presents were the Ultimate Minecraft Guide from his dads and a collector's edition clear GameCube controller, courtesy of Simon. He'd picked up a temp job at a tech help line, and from what Sollux had overheard, it sounded like Simon would be able to move back out relatively soon, which Sollux had kind of mixed feelings about. On the one hand, it would help things go back to normal around the house, or as normal as it got with them, but on the other hand, Sollux actually really liked having someone around who understood bipolarity. He looked up at Simon, trying to communicate the dilemma he was in, but it didn't seem to get across. He knew he'd promised Feferi he'd tell them, but not on Christmas. He didn't want to ruin the morning.  
"Thanks for the gifts, everyone," Sollux muttered as the morning wrapped up. Mituna grinned at his dads and uncle, nodding enthusiastically.  
Carl smiled back. "You're welcome, boys. Now, enjoy the rest of the afternoon. Your uncle Clyde is going to be by in a while and we're all going to Spencer's."  
Sollux skulked back into his room, slumping into his desk chair. His head still ached a bit from the minimal amount of sleep he'd gotten the night before. He eyed the jewelry box sitting on his desk, and knew it was the right call to not give it to Aradia, but he wanted to at least talk to her. He missed talking to her. She'd been so distant. Hesitantly, Sollux pulled open Pesterchum.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey  
TA: AA  
TA: what's up  
TA: how's your christmas been?  
AA: hey sollux  
AA: its been ok  
AA: dad got me a new archaeology kit  
TA: man does that take me back  
TA: you haven't done a dig in such a long time  
AA: i know  
TA: heh  
AA: sollux  
TA: what  
AA: um…  
AA: now is not really a good time to talk  
TA: something going on with you?  
AA: no i just  
AA: its christmas  
AA: i should be downstairs with my family  
TA: okay  
TA: i'll see you at spencer's party later?  
AA: yeah  
TA: you bringing equius?  
AA: no  
AA: why  
TA: just wondering  
TA: tav said he's bringing vriska  
AA: oh  
AA: wonderful  
AA: see you later

apocalypseArisen [AA] has ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux sighed. It was going to be one hell of a night. At least he wouldn't have to deal with Equius rubbing his and Aradia's relationship in his face. Well, Equius wouldn't do that. Not on purpose, anyway.  
Uncle Clyde was as eccentric as ever when he came to get the rest of the Captor crew. "Hey, Sollux! When're you gonna let me teach you how to play the oboe?!" he asked in the car. Sollux grumbled. Why did he always push that?  
"I don't want to play the oboe, Uncle Clyde," Sollux muttered, sinking into his seat.  
"It's double-reeded," Clyde continued, trying to be enticing.  
"Double, you say?" Sollux muttered. It still wasn't worth it, not even for his love of twos. But it made Clyde smile, so Sollux went along with it sometimes. They pulled up to Mr. Slick's house just a little after the Nitrams, it looked like. As Sollux walked in, he saw all of the Nitrams, Mr. Slick, and Vriska standing near the stairwell at the opening of the house.  
"Hey guys," he murmured. "Guess we're being exiled upstairs." Sollux made his way up the stairs as fast as he could, marginally aware of Tavros' embarrassment as he had to ask Rufioh to carry him up. Spencer had apparently set up his old Playstation in the spare room for them, and Sollux turned it on and popped in a snowboarding game. Once Tavros got settled in his chair again, Sollux turned to him. "Hey Tav, race me," he said. Tavros grinned.  
"You're on."

Aradia arrived before too long, Sollux glancing up only for a moment before turning back to the game.  
"Hi Aradia," he heard Tavros say.  
"Hey Tav… Sollux…" Aradia murmured.  
"'sup," Sollux said, giving a half-hearted wave. Aradia dropped onto the bed behind Sollux, sitting next the Vriska. Sollux could feel Vriska's scowl, even though it wasn't even directed at him.  
"What, don't I get a hello?" Vriska huffed.  
"Don't you have your own family to bother? It _is_ Christmas," Aradia muttered.  
"Wha—I'm _Jewish_ , you asshole."

Sollux and Tavros kept up with playing their game while Vriska tried to entice Aradia into bickering with her until they were called down for dinner. Sollux stood slowly from the bed, when Vriska sprang up, shoving him aside as she did so.  
"Move it, loser!" she called, running out the hall.  
"Oh my god, shut up," Sollux murmured.  
Sollux made it all the way downstairs before he realized Tavros and Aradia hadn't followed. Oh. Of course Tavros hadn't followed. Sollux faltered, starting to stand from the table to get Aradia, and maybe see if he could help with Tavros, but decided against it. Rufioh seemed slow to process it, though, as he wasn't moving from the table, either.  
Vriska's phone rang and she stood from the table, pacing into the other room. A few minutes later, Aradia appeared, asking for Rufioh's help, and the two disappeared upstairs for a moment before returning with Tavros. Sollux minded his own business, picking at his dinner plate.

Sollux woke up the next morning feeling marginally better. He was beyond relieved that manic phase hadn't lasted very long, and he hopped onto Pesterchum, only hoping to procrastinate for a little while.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

TA: hey FF  
TA: how was your christmas?  
CC: It was great!  
CC: Mom got me some really nice bracelets and necklaces and two passes to the water park!  
CC: Then we went to the ice skating rink for a little while  
CC: I'm not so good at skating, though.  
CC: Much more of a swimmer  
CC: How was yours?  
TA: same ol same ol  
TA: spencer's party was a bust  
CC: Oh?  
TA: well tavros brought vriska so i had to deal with that  
CC: Oh.  
CC: Yeah.  
TA: i wish you'd been able to come  
CC: I know; me too.  
CC: But you know how it is.  
TA: super busy  
TA: right  
CC: My mom just plans so much stuff!  
CC: At least it's fun, though.  
CC: I'm kept pretty busy during school, too.  
TA: did cheerleading stop when football did?  
CC: Yeah, but swim team starts in the second semester so I'm switching over to that.  
TA: they make you take PE even though you're in sports?  
CC: Apparently!  
CC: But the school system is dumb anyway.  
CC: But I was hoping I could see you today!  
TA: i do have something for you  
TA: maybe i can bring it by in a little bit  
CC: Yeah!  
CC: I have something for you too.  
TA: you didn't need to get me anything  
CC: I could tell you the same thing!  
CC: But it's Christmas, so you're gonna take the gift  
CC: No being grumpy about it :P  
TA: haha  
TA: okay fine  
TA: i'll be over in a little bit

twinArmageddons [TA] has ceased pestering cuttlefishCuller [CC]

Sollux remembered his promise to her, about telling his dads about the current situation. Well, now was as good a time as ever. Sollux went downstairs, finding both his dads sitting at the kitchen table. Get it over with, Captor, he thought to himself, it's like ripping off a bandaid.  
"Dads," he said, taking one of the unoccupied chairs. "There's something I need to tell you." Oh god, it sounded like his coming out speech all over again. "I…" Sollux glanced over his shoulder, looking for a nod of approval or affirmation from Simon, but he wasn't there. "I think there's something wrong with my head. Besides the OCD."  
"What do you mean, Sol?" Barry asked, leaning in a bit.  
"I just… have constant anxiety and worry too much about stuff and… I don't…" Sollux let his voice trail off. "I'm just having a hard time, I guess."  
"Well…" Carl thought for a moment. "It was big of you to come to us."  
"Sollux," Barry started, "if you really feel like you're having a hard time, do you want to go to therapy?"  
Sollux sighed. "Not really, but I guess if it will help… I don't think it's a bad idea."  
"Okay. We'll set something up soon."  
Sollux nodded, standing up from the table. "Oh, and, can one of you drive me over to Feferi's soon? I have to give her her Christmas present still."  
"Of course, Sol," Carl said, and Sollux disappeared back into his room. He wanted to slam his head into the desk, but managed to refrain only out of concern for further damage to his brain. Sollux's hand lingered on the mouse as he scrolled over to Aradia's screenname on Pesterchum. She was online. He clicked on it, their chat window popping up.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey  
TA: you okay?  
TA: you were acting weird last night  
AA: quite frankly its none of your business

Wow, what the fuck? That was way out of character for Aradia.

TA: whoa, what crawled up your ass and died?  
AA: nothing's dead around here except my relationship

Sollux knew that Aradia and Equius probably weren't the most compatible duo, but he hadn't expected it to be that bad.

TA: things with EQ that bad?  
AA: things with equius are a fucking lie  
TA: damn  
AA: but i really don't see why you even care  
TA: cause you're my friend?  
AA: am i  
AA: you haven't been acting like it lately

Sollux's face crumpled. He _had_ been avoiding her a little bit, but that was only because he was dealing with about a thousand other things, a mental illness and new romance being the least of them.

TA: sorry  
TA: been wrapped up in other stuff  
AA: other stuff  
AA: like kissing feferi right?  
TA: i… didn't know you knew about that  
AA: whatever sollux  
AA: i need to go  
AA: i'm getting an early start on my new years resolution  
TA: what's that?  
AA: first getting out of this relationship  
AA: bye  
TA: aradia, wait  
AA: what  
TA: listen, just because i'm dating fef now doesn't mean we have to stop being friends  
TA: we didn't stop being friends just cause you and equius were a thing  
AA: actually you kinda started ignoring me a lot  
TA: yeah, but that wasn't because of equius  
TA: like i said, i've been wrapped up in other stuff  
TA: besides… eh…  
AA: like what  
TA: well  
TA: suffice to say my new year's resolution is to go to a therapist  
TA: and i could really use some support  
AA: are you asking me to go with you?

Was it wrong for him to want her there? Was it weird that he didn't ask Feferi?

TA: yeah  
TA: you're my best friend  
TA: i wouldn't ask anyone else  
AA: well  
AA: i could go with you  
AA: might even be good for me  
TA: why's that?  
AA: because sollux  
AA: the voices are gone

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Aradia logged off quite abruptly, leaving Sollux to stare blankly at the screen. She'd been talking about the voices since the Ouija board, so it was odd that they'd suddenly disappeared. Still, Sollux tried not to worry about it as he sat in the car on the way to Feferi's house. He gave her the present he'd gotten her; a new swimsuit in her favorite colors, though in retrospect an athletic suit would have been better since she was joining the team. Feferi didn't care, she loved it, she said as she thrust Sollux's present into his hands. Sollux opened it slowly, finding a plush bee inside. He smiled a bit, looking up at Feferi, who absolutely beamed at him.  
"I made it myself," she said, "with a little help from Kanaya."  
"Really? Wow, that's so sweet," Sollux said. Feferi pecked him on the cheek, and he felt his face warm. He really did care for Feferi, but it seemed like she put more into the relationship than he did, and he still had lingering feelings for Aradia, as much as it hurt him to admit it. But Feferi was good to him and good _for_ him. He cleared his throat a bit.  
"So… I told my dads… they want me to go to therapy. I said I would go."  
"Reely?! That's so great! I'm proud of you!" Feferi gushed, hugging Sollux tightly. He leaned his head on hers, hoping he could stop thinking of someone else before he got in too deep.


	10. A Short-Lived Romance

New Years' Eve came around before Sollux even realized—he supposed it _was_ only a week after Christmas—and Feferi was beginning to fret about organizing her party.  
"Feferi, relax," Sollux told her from his seat on her couch. He was fiddling with his phone, his latest addiction being Candy Crush while Feferi flittered around the kitchen, almost like a fairy or hummingbird, as she tried to ensure there would be enough snacks for everyone. She paused, looking up at Sollux, and tutted at him.  
"You could _help_ , you know," she said, her voice harsher than usual. "Sorry, Sollux," she said, catching herself. "I didn't mean to snip at you." Sollux sighed, put his phone away, and stood up.  
"No, you're right. I should be more helpful." Sollux made his way into the kitchen and started taking some drinks out of the fridge. "Why're you so tense anyway?"  
"Just… my mom's been on my case about appearing more professional. I can't believe she's already talking about me taking over the business! But we both know Meenah won't do it; Meenah's trying her damnedest to get out of here after graduation anyway. That's always her answer; when things get tough, run away! But to be honest, I don't blame her. Her relationship with Mom got really weird after she came out, but I don't get it. Her and Aranea weren't a bad couple, either. Anyway, between school and cheer- thank goodness that's over- and Mom's pressure on me and trying to maintain a social life, I guess I'm just getting a little worn down!"  
Sollux paused, standing at the drink table. "Wait, your mom is putting pressure on you about the family business? Already?"  
"Mhm."  
"Why haven't we talked about this?"  
"I dunno, I guess we always wind up… talking about your progress."  
Sollux felt his cheeks flush for a second, not out of embarrassment, but rather, out of guilt. "Yeah… I'm sorry, FF. I guess… I guess we do get caught up in my stuff a lot. And that's not really fair to you."  
"It's alright, I-" Feferi was interrupted as her doorbell rang. She glanced in the general direction of the door, looking somewhat surprised as she went to answer. Sollux groaned, hearing the next guest's voice before he even came into the room.  
"Hey, Fef, thanks for lettin' me come over early. I really just… there's some serious shit goin' on at my house and I had to get the _fuck_ out of there. Cro is bein' an even bigger dick than usual." Feferi and Eridan made their way back into the room. "Oh, hey, Sol." Sollux frowned. Feferi looked a little uneasy at the way the two boys were glaring at each other.  
"Oh _god,_ it's him," Sollux hissed. "FF, can you tell him to leave? I don't even have the energy for this."  
"Hey asswipe, this doesn't concern those with a family income with less than 6 digits, it's a matter between me and Fef only. So keep your mouth closed or I'll slit you open over my next meal."  
"Whatever, bro, not interested."  
"Eridan, please! I don't want to see you two fight again. Please don't try to provoke him," Feferi said. "It's not like I don't know what you're doing! You keep trying to make Sollux hate you to get me to take your side again!"  
"That's an astonshin' accusation! How could you say that? As if I'm not totally _done_ with you romantically like I have _told_ you _repeatedly._ All I wanted to do is have a word with you," Eridan muttered. Sollux smirked a bit. Eridan and Feferi had been very close, but their friendship had quite suddenly retracted right around Halloween; the fact that Sollux and Eridan had nearly gotten in a fist fight around that time probably didn't help. Sollux was amazed Feferi still invited him to parties, considering she was really the only one of their friends that could stand him. Actually, Karkat tolerated Eridan very well, but Sollux chalked that up to both of them being loudmouth gossips.  
"Ok, Eridan, we can talk. But only if you're planning on being civil," Feferi answered. Sollux leaned against the wall next to the drink table and listened.  
"That's what you never got, Fef. You and I are bein' civil by very virtue of the fact that we're even talking. You and I, we belong together. Even if not in _that way_ which I get that you're not into and that's fine, but we belong together as friends if nothing else. So I'm gonna ask you this one last time and give you the choice. I'm about to go… please come with me?"  
"Go? Where?" Eridan didn't answer the question, instead twiddling his fingers as he gave a shy nod towards Sollux. "Oh! I wasn't sure you were serious about that!"  
"Of course I was!"  
"This is the most hilarious thing I've ever heard," Sollux murmured, despite having no idea what the context was. "The idea that he can swoop in and break us up."  
"Was that slander I just heard? I can't even tell. I tend to block out noise from filth like you."  
"Eridan!" Feferi physically moved between the two boys as Sollux took an angry step towards Eridan.  
"What? You don't think I can stand seein' you with salmon else? I don't give a carp about that, I just need a friend right now."  
"Whale I think you're being a jerk! And you have lost _all right_ to use fish puns _forever._ I revoke your fish punning license!"  
"Don't take that tuna voice with me, heiress!"  
"This makes me sad, Eridan, but I have to ask you to get out of my house. You can't ask me to up and leave, and travel thousands of miles away, and come in here and insult Sollux, especially when you know how things have been."  
"So that's how it is…I ain't leavin' alone so easily!"  
"Man, I can't believe this," Sollux said, a tense fist at his side. "Oh well, guess it's only fitting we end this with _round two_. You ready?"  
"Bring it," Eridan said, his own fist clenching. Sollux took a step closer, throwing the first punch. He clocked Eridan right in the face, knocking his glasses off. Eridan fell to the ground.  
"Stop!" Feferi shouted as Sollux hit Eridan again. Eridan wiped his cheek, punching Sollux as he stood up. Sollux stumbled back as Eridan took another swing, missed, and grabbed Sollux's shoulders, shoving him violently backwards. Sollux slammed into the wall, knocking the back of his head into it. He felt himself slide downwards, but was knocked out after that.

When Sollux came to, he heard Feferi speaking to someone else.  
"Eridan! He came over early because he wanted to talk to me about… well, about leaving. Running away. Doing dangerous things without thinking them through because he feels scared and hopeless. I suppose I lost my temper, too, but he's just been so selfish, and… and _rude_ lately! I just can't stand that kind of attitude!"  
"Ah. I suppose that makes sense… he did shove me aside as I came in." That was Kanaya's voice. Sollux blinked, or at least he thought he did. His vision wasn't coming back. He sat up more quickly, now sure that his eyes were open, but all that he saw was black.  
"Sollux?" he heard Feferi's voice come closer. "Are you alright?"  
"I don't… I don't know. I can't see."  
"It looks like you hit your head pretty hard," a third voice came. Was that Rose fucking Lalonde? "You may have damaged the optical cortex; it does lie in the back of the brain. Blindness is most likely temporary."  
"And how the hell do you know?" Sollux hissed, trying his best to push himself up. He felt a hand under his arm help steady him.  
"Open a book sometime, gamer boy. Maybe you'll learn something." Sollux grumbled a bit as someone- probably Feferi- guided him to the couch. She and Kanaya and Rose continued having conversation, and Sollux merely grumbled, sinking into the cushions. He felt Feferi's hand on his, but he was getting lost in his own head, imagining it was Aradia's hand, to the point where, when Feferi spoke, the misplaced voice threw Sollux off. He'd tried to make the relationship with Feferi work, because she was very genuinely sweet and kind, and Sollux appreciated the friendship, but it just wasn't the same, and it certainly wasn't fair to her, that he was always thinking of Aradia.

Sollux's vision started to come back as the party went on and more people arrived. He saw mostly blurs of colors at first, but it came back a little before midnight. Karkat had been sitting next to him for quite a while, but Sollux blinked at his friend, who just stared back.  
"Dude, why are you so fucking quiet tonight?" Karkat asked.  
"Eridan knocked my vision out earlier. Hard to talk to people you can't see," Sollux muttered, rubbing the back of his head. It still hurt, where he'd smashed against the wall.  
"What the fuck?" Karkat looked widely confused. "Whatever, that guy's a dick. Why didn't you talk to Terezi?"  
"Because I had no idea where she was. I can see now, though. I have no idea how she manages."  
"She's…"  
"She's Terezi. That's how," Sollux murmured.  
"Pretty much." Karkat let out a long sigh. "Anyway, I'm gonna get a drink. You want any?"  
Sollux shook his head no as Karkat stood up, and Karkat made his way to the drink table near Feferi's kitchen. It wasn't long before Karkat's grating shout filled the room. "Why's this taste weird?" Sollux heard him say. Sollux twisted over in his seat to see what was going on. Gamzee laughed as Karkat frowned at his cup. Sollux saw the gears turning in Karkat's mind as he nearly squashed the plastic cup in his hand in half before throwing it at Gamzee. "You piece of shit! You spiked the goddamn punch!" Gamzee just laughed through it all.  
"No wonder Tavros looks worse than usual," Vriska sneered. Oh shit, he did; he was very clearly drunk. Sollux was amazed nobody else had any punch. Of course, most of the friends preferred a soda to punch, so it made some sense. Sollux couldn't help but watch as a scene unfolded between Tavros and Vriska- well, what else was new?- as Feferi took what was previously Karkat's seat next to him. Vriska sat herself in Tavros' lap as the countdown neared.  
"Waht're you doin'?" Tavros slurred.  
"I was gonna kiss you at midnight, you drunk fool," Vriska said.  
"Ahah!" Tavros let out a loud laugh, adjusting himself in his wheelchair to force Vriska up. She glanced around the room and Sollux realized he wasn't the only person watching. Everyone was. Well, Vriska deserved to be embarrassed for once. "I, uh, no. Nnnnooo," Tavros said. Yeah, he was drunk, but Sollux could tell the boy was about to drop the truth on Vriska. "You don' wanna kiss meeee, you! Jus' wanna make… John… jealous. An anyway! I don' think I wannaaa kiss you, anymore. You're uhhhh, a mean. Person. You are mean to me. I don' like it. And if I haaaad to geuss, I don' think that, uh, mister John likes it very much, either. I know… most of us? Don't like it either. And uh, that's just. Sad. Vriskers. That most of us don't really like you? You're… too mean, Eheheh. Gamzee! Can I have anudder drink?" Tavros laughed again, not a malicious laugh, but simply a drunken version of his innocent laugh as he pushed himself back towards Gamzee. Vriska's cheeks flushed and she ran out of the house. Feferi looked mildly concerned, but didn't go after Vriska. Nobody did. John started to, but he looked unsure. The tension remained in the air for a moment, but Feferi stood to gather everyone's attention and bring focus back to the festivities.  
"Hey guys! The countdown's starting!" she said. A few people smiled at Feferi, and those who were couples drew closer to each other as they watched the ball drop on the television. 10. Feferi gathered Sollux's attention. He looked at her, the pink flecks in her bright eyes beckoning him to come close. 9. It was clear she wanted to kiss him at midnight. Sollux suddenly felt a hurt in his gut. 8. It was becoming more and more clear that he shouldn't stay with her. It wasn't fair to her. 7. Sollux didn't even know what was going on in her life. They focused on him so much. 6. Feferi kept leaning in closer, blithely unaware of all the thoughts running through Sollux's head as he tried to lean away without being too obvious. 5. She opened her eyes, and there was less of a smile in them. 4. "Sollux?" she said, concern in her voice. Sollux bit his lip. 3. She was probably afraid he was going into an episode. Maybe he was, but he didn't think that was the problem in the moment. 2. "Do you want to be my midnight kiss?" Feferi asked. Damn! It was so adorable that she asked; so considerate. 1. But Sollux knew what the answer had to be.  
"I can't," Sollux whispered. Feferi paused, then leaned her forehead on Sollux's shoulder. He felt a drip on his shirt. Shit. He was really going to be an ass for doing this on New Year's.

Sollux stuck around when everyone else cleared out. He'd agreed to help her clean up, but now both of them knew they had to talk. It was quiet for a while as they cleaned, the only sound being the clattering of dishes as they got piled into the sink.  
"Feferi…" Sollux started. "Feferi, I-"  
"You want to break up with me, don't you?" Feferi cut him off. There was a twinge of hurt in her voice, but not an overwhelming amount. There was little sadness, either. Sollux's gut hurt of guilt. Feferi set down the dish she was washing and looked over at Sollux. "Did I do something wrong?"  
Sollux sighed. "No. I did. I shouldn't have dated you in the first place."  
"Why?"  
Sollux bit his lip, braces tearing into his skin. He certainly couldn't tell her the truth. That would be the worst thing he could say. "I have to figure out what to do about my own problems first, and it wasn't fair for me to ignore yours. I feel like I've been the shittiest boyfriend ever. And it's not going to get better until I start getting better. So… I think it's better for us to take a step back." Well, it wasn't a lie.  
"Maybe you're right…" Feferi muttered. "I have a lot going on, too. Maybe our timing's just off."  
"I don't want you to be sad, Feferi."  
"Oh, it's alright, Sollux!" Feferi said, suddenly back to her usual chipper self. "It's for the best! And besides, we'll still be friends, right?"  
Sollux faltered. "Oh! Yeah, of course! You're very sweet, Feferi. I just don't think this is going to work out… us, being a couple."  
"I don't want you to force it. As long as we're both happy," Feferi said, still smiling. "You did catch me off guard, but as long as we're still friends, I think I'll be okay."  
"Okay… good. I should… I should get going though."  
"Oh, alright. I'll, uh, see you at school!" Sollux shrugged a bit, shooting a fake smile at Feferi as he left, and he let it drop as soon as he was out the front door. Thankfully, Simon didn't take too long getting to Feferi's, and Sollux climbed into the car, slumping in his seat.  
"What's wrong, kiddo?" Simon asked. Sollux huffed.  
"Feferi and I broke up."


	11. The Other End of the Spectrum

Sollux didn't get out of his bed for the entirety of January 1st, and only barely on the 2nd, to get food at one point. He wasn't hungry, but he knew he needed to eat instead of just burying himself in the bedcovers. Of course, once he was done eating, burying himself in the bedcovers was exactly what Sollux did. He passed the time by mindlessly watching AVGN videos on his phone. He had the lights out, and wanted everything to stop; wanted everything to be quiet. He was just glad that he was still on break. This kind of mental halt wouldn't do if he had schoolwork to keep up with. It was a small miracle that he'd made it through the winter finals. The bedroom door creaked open and Sollux let a small murmur out as he saw his dads standing on the other side.  
"Sollux?" he heard Barry's voice.  
"Leave me alone," Sollux muttered.  
"Sollux, you can't lock yourself in your room and expect us not to worry." Sollux shoved his head into his pillow. "Listen, I know you told us you're having trouble lately, but I didn't realize it was this serious. We made a therapy appointment for you, after school on Monday."  
"Okay, whatever. I'll go."  
"Sollux, please, come out of your room. We can play Mario Kart," Carl said, trying to cheer Sollux up.  
"'M not in the mood," Sollux murmured. His eyes were getting tired from staring at his phone screen. "Maybe later." Sollux knew that was a lie, but it was enough to get his dads out of the doorway so he could sleep some more. He hadn't felt this down in a while, his slip-ups usually went the other way. At least he could breathe. Sollux tended to hyperventilate when he was manic, too, so in a weird way, the depression phase was almost relieving. He didn't want to think about it too in-depth; he already knew his brain was fucked.

Sollux hardly moved until school started that Monday, and even then, it was hard to get himself going. His therapy appointment was later that day, and the thought of that certainly wasn't helping. He and Feferi exchanged awkward smiles in their classes that morning, and Sollux tried to say hello to Aradia in Biology, but she was… distant. And different. She'd cut her hair, and was trying way too hard to look like a punk, her outfit all in black and silver and blue. Wow. Was everything just going to shit? Between his own slow mental breakdown, and Aradia's sudden shift in attitude- not to mention Tavros being way more reckless than usual and whatever was going on between Eridan and Feferi- their friend group was losing their mind. The day passed by _mostly_ uneventfully, until lunchtime. The bell dismissed the students from their fourth period, but unbeknownst to most teachers, there was a scene erupting in the hallways. Sollux stood on his tiptoes, looking over the crowd that was only beginning to form. He saw Vriska sitting on the ground, bleeding a bit and looking up at her aggressor.  
"Don't! Screw with me, Serket," Sollux heard a familiar voice say, spitting attitude. Shit, Aradia really had lost it. Sollux didn't linger on the scene, it was making him think too much and he was going to get a headache if he let himself get overwhelmed. He decided to message Aradia later, though, and see if anything weird was going on with her. Well, he already knew _something_ weird was going on, but it was a question of what exactly it was.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering apocalypseArisen [AA]

TA: hey, aradia…  
TA: remember a while ago, when i told you i was going to therapy?  
TA: my appointment is later today, and  
TA: i still wanted you to come with me, if you could.  
TA: i know you're in a lot of trouble with your dad right now but…  
AA: dont worry about it sollux  
AA: ill find a way to be there  
TA: can i ask you something?  
AA: why the hell not  
TA: why did you beat the shit out of vriska? i know she's no angel but that was  
TA: a lot  
AA: she tricked me manipulated a relationship and abused a good friend of mine and it was about time someone made her pay for it  
AA: simple as that  
TA: jeez  
TA: maybe we both need help.  
AA: yeah  
AA: maybe

apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux sighed, rubbing his temples. He really didn't want to go to therapy, and he knew he was asking a lot, for someone he'd barely been on speaking terms with. The very idea of therapy was taking a lot out of him, and the idea that Aradia was becoming more violent… even maybe more like Vriska… it was intimidating. But he still wanted to be friends with her. Sollux knew he needed to stop lying to himself. He still wanted to be more than friends with Aradia. Sollux slumped in his desk chair, letting his head sink, not quite slamming it on the desk, and he just sat there for a bit, listening to himself breathe.  
Before he even realized, it was nearly time to go. Sollux drug his tired ass out of the desk chair and morosely wandered downstairs, just as a knock came from the front door. He glanced at it, knowing Aradia was on the other side, and let her in. He'd caught a glimpse of her earlier, but the change was especially alarming up close. Her previous mass of hair was now cut to her shoulders, and she was wearing a _Fall Out Boy_ t-shirt and a short skirt with rips in it, knee-high socks. Sollux saw her give him a thin smile, so that was good, but he couldn't make himself smile back. His eyes were still heavy. He felt so tired.  
"I needed a change, Sol," Aradia said. He blinked at her. "Raided some of Damara's old stuff. She's getting too goody-goody to pull it off anymore anyway."  
He must have been staring too long. "Er… it's just… different. Let's go," he murmured, his dads beginning to usher the two kids towards the car.  
It was a quiet drive. Sollux liked it that way. He was beginning to feel very nervous, and was aware that his eyes were darting around like a cat's following a laser pointer, and when he became too aware of how stupid he looked, he'd go back to looking out the window, until the car came to a stop in an otherwise abandoned parking lot. Sollux sat forward in his seat, leaning over the front seat and grabbing his dad's shoulder.  
"Are we here?" he asked. His heart was pounding.  
"We're here," Barry answered. "Don't worry, Sollux. Everything will be fine. We just want you to talk to her."  
"Come on, kids," Sollux turned to see his other father standing outside the car, waiting for him and Aradia to unbuckle. "This way."  
Sollux's hands wrung in his shirt as he followed his dads up the stairs of an office building into the doctor's office, and sat in silence as they filled out some paperwork for him. More silence passed, until it was broken by an unfamiliar voice.  
"Mr. Captor?" Sollux glanced up to see a woman in the doorway, looking at him. He stood, steadying his nervous tremors as he walked towards the stranger, and shot a nervous glance over his shoulder at Aradia, who stood and began to follow Sollux. Sollux took his glasses off and wiped them clean on his t-shirt, struggling to wrestle his nervousness into submission. He put his glasses back on and tugged on the bottom of his shirt as the woman took a seat in her office, which looked more like a living room than any doctor's office Sollux had ever seen. There was a basket of Rubik's Cubes and other puzzles- Sollux figured a therapist might have a lot of patients with anxiety, and people who needed to do something with their hands. He stood a bit awkwardly in the doorway, still pulling on the bottom of his shirt, when the woman looked up at him and Aradia.  
"You can sit down, I was just going over some… have a seat," she said. Sollux sat on the close side of the couch as Aradia passed him and took the other side. "Ok. Sollux! Or, do you prefer 'Mr. Captor'?"  
"S-Sollux is fine, or- or Sol." Fuck, why was he stuttering? He never stuttered.  
"Nice to meet you. I'm Whitney Queen. You can call me Whitney, or Ms. Queen, or WQ, if you have a penchant for nicknames. And… you brought your…" Whitney's voice trailed off, sounding unsure as she glanced towards Aradia. Sollux slowly processed what Whitney was asking.  
"Friend! Friend, she's… uh, a… friend," Sollux explained, his voice accelerating.  
"Friend," Whitney repeated. "Noted."  
"I'm here for moral support," Aradia muttered. Sollux shifted uncomfortably in his seat.  
"Right, well, that's fine. Now, Sollux. Your fathers have taken care of everything, and I want you to now that I, and any other therapist, work with 100% patient confidentiality. Anything you tell me will not leave this room. It stays within my walls. I'm here to listen and help you, and—Miss…?"  
"Aradia."  
"Yes, Aradia, you're welcome to share with me as well, if there's anything you feel you need to share or just get off your chest." Sollux saw Aradia give a quick nod, before Whitney directed her attention back to him. "With all the formalities out of the way, let's get started. Sollux, why don't you tell me how you're feeling?"  
"Right now? Eheh… nervous, I guess," Sollux heard himself say. Fuck. He hated hearing his lisp.  
"Why do you think that is?"  
"Well, I mean… I'm talking to a stranger about my problems… sorry, but I don't really know you. And, to be honest, I'm kind of afraid I'm going to walk out of here with some kind of diagnosis of something. I've been… doing research and am really afraid of what I might find out by being here. I don't… think I'm mentally well."  
"What makes you say that?"  
"I'm sure this is written in records somewhere but I've been diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for… a long time. A few years, at least. And now I've been in, like, these weird mood swings. For huge chunks of time. Like, sometimes I'm fine and I'm normal like now but sometimes I'll be antisocial for weeks at a time and have no motivation to do anything, not even get out of my bed, but I make myself and it drains me out, but other times I have a ton of energy and stay up all night coding, for days at a time… and I don't like what I've read online and I don't want to have to take pills for everything… it's just so frustrating."  
"Well, Sollux, you should know that, while I can give you a diagnosis, if you want one, therapists cannot prescribe medicine. You'd need to see a psychiatrist if you gain any desire for any kind of medication. I'm very glad you told me that, though. So, how has this been affecting your behavior at school?"  
"I mean, I still go to school and I still do the work, but it's very hard to get through sometimes. When I'm feeling unmotivated, between that and everything I already am self-conscious of, it feels like dragging myself through 24 hours worth of a mud pit. Feels terrible."  
"What are you self-conscious about?"  
"My appearance, mostly. I have heterochromia, and glasses, and braces…"

Sollux did feel better the more he talked to Whitney. Halfway through, he picked up a Rubik's Cube and solved it without even really looking, just because his hands were fidgety. Whitney smiled at the solved cube and called Sollux smart, to which he said, "thanks, but I figured out the algorithm to solve Rubik's Cubes a long time ago, it's not very difficult." She asked a lot of questions just to keep Sollux talking, but he always answered honestly. It seemed to be helpful, and he felt much more at ease than he had that morning.  
"Sollux, we have about ten minutes left. Would you like a diagnosis, or to talk about that any more at all?" Whitney asked. Sollux took a breath.  
"Next time. I'm not ready for that can of worms yet."  
"That's fair. I'm not here to pressure you into saying anything. Well, we do still have ten minutes. Aradia, anything you'd like to talk about?"  
Sollux glanced over at Aradia as she sat up a bit. "Yeah, actually, a lot I'd like to talk about, but I don't think we have time for my problems," Aradia said. She was letting her anger and frustration show, a lot. "For one thing, I just got suspended, therefore grounded, and snuck out of my house to be here."  
"I see…" Whitney muttered. "What did you get suspended for?"  
"Beating the shit out of another girl. But to be fair, she's been screwing with me and my relationships all year."  
"How did your parents react?"  
"My dad is pissed to high hell, and I don't really care how my stepmom feels. She's no substitute for my mom."  
"Mhm… So, why were you so mad at this girl?"  
"Basically what happened is she and this other dude tricked me into dating him, knowing full well I had… have… had… romantic feelings for someone else." Sollux sank in his seat hearing those words come out of her mouth. Maybe he could have prevented this whole mess. "I wasn't very happy when I was with this guy and it felt very one-sided but I was going through some emotional stuff and couldn't bring myself to break it off, and then I found out Vriska was behind the whole thing and I guess I just lost my cool. Slapped Equius around a little bit, too, now that I think of it. And, to make it even better, the guy I did have feelings for is with someone else now." Sollux blushed. "My best friend, actually." He blushed even harder. He felt sick, literally like he was going to throw up. All his failures in his interpersonal relationships were coming back to him the more Aradia spoke. "But I'm not going to be mad at her. I was… dating someone else when that happened anyway," Aradia concluded. Sollux was staring blankly at her. It was the most insight he'd gotten in months about what was going on with her. They were supposed to be best friends, but neither of them had been very open. She blinked back at him until Whitney spoke again.  
"Ah, well, things change very fast in high school. If it bothers you, I would talk to your friend. I know relationships can be hard, I'm very sorry to hear you were manipulated. But-"  
"Violence is never the answer, right?"  
"Er—yeah. Acting like that is never going to go well for you, I promise. Don't let your emotions get bottled up. Talk to people."  
"Yeah, well I don't necessarily have that outlet. My family sucks."  
"Just hang in there. If you ever need to come by with Sollux again, you're more than welcome to."  
"Thanks…"  
"Of course. But for now, our session is over. Sollux, see you next week?"  
Sollux shrugged, unaware he had more appointments scheduled. "Guess so." Sollux made his way back down to the parking lot, fighting back tears as he thought about everything Aradia just said, about how badly he'd messed up with her and Feferi, how poorly he handled his emotions. Sollux looked at Aradia as they got into the back seats of the car. "Aradia… thanks for coming," he murmured. He swallowed a ball of nervousness down. Aradia deserved to know the truth.  
"Mhm," she hummed.  
"And, by the way, Feferi and I broke up."


	12. Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Chapter Twelve: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life

Sollux was quiet after they dropped Aradia off. Was he being callous? Maybe. Maybe it was wrong to want to make things with Aradia work, so soon after breaking up with Feferi. But they hadn't dated long. It hadn't even been a month. It was fine. Right? He shifted uncomfortably in the seat.  
"How was the appointment?" Barry asked.  
"Hmm, what? Oh. It was… good, I guess," Sollux muttered.  
"You guess?"  
"Sorry, it was fine. Helpful. Think it's good for me. Stuff is just… weird right now. I feel like I've been unfair to people."  
"Well, maybe that's something you can talk about with Whitney next time you see her."  
"Yeah, I probably should."

Sollux clicked around on his computer, not really in a mood to code, or work on homework quite yet. He could procrastinate a little bit. He hovered over Pesterchum, wanting to message Aradia, or maybe Feferi, but instead he clicked on Karkat's username.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey  
CG: Hey.

twinArmageddons [TA] is now an idle chum!

CG: Sollux?  
TA: yeah, sorry  
TA: sup?  
CG: I don't know, you messaged me.  
TA: right  
TA: i dunno, i'm not feeling myself right now  
CG: Jeez, what else is new?  
TA: ugh  
TA: why do i ever think i can talk to you seriously?  
CG: Please.  
CG: I am not the friend you message when you want to have a serious talk.  
CG: I am the friend you message when you want to get your mind off your shitshow of a life and kick my ass at Overwatch.  
TA: shit man you're right  
TA: wanna play a few rounds?  
CG: Fine, but you can't use Bastion  
TA: fuck

Video games certainly weren't the answer, but it helped Sollux occupy his mind. Since Karkat had an explicit 'no Bastion', Sollux defaulted to Soldier 76 instead. After a few matches, he said goodbye to Karkat and logged off, finding himself staring at his chumroll on the desktop screen again. Feferi was online. He didn't really want to talk about what had happened, but Feferi did deserve a better explanation. Maybe he would be a fucking coward about it and wait until she was offline. Sollux, amazingly, stepped away from his computer and took out his homework. Avoiding his problems with his friendships was one hell of a motivation to actually get some schoolwork done. He'd been so distracted lately that he was falling behind in school, despite actually being really intelligent, and he was more than a little tempted to just hack the systems at the end of the school year and give himself a 4.0 GPA, but knew his dads would be incredibly suspicious of that if he wasn't actually seen doing any work. That was literally the only reason he didn't do it; Sollux knew he was proficient at hacking. He did break into the school's system, once, though it wasn't really for academic reasons. Someone would bring it up like, "hey Sollux, remember that time you hacked into the school's database and all you did was add tater tots to the menu every Friday for two months?" and he'd say, "yeah, because Mituna wouldn't shut up about wanting tots."

The next week went by fairly monotonously, and Sollux managed to get through, though his mood was dropping significantly and he often found himself going straight to his room after school, concerning his fathers greatly. Sollux knew isolation wouldn't help, so he forced himself to go down for dinner on Thursday night, though he still wasn't one for much conversation. His attention wasn't fully captured until Carl said something.  
"So, Simon, you've got somewhere to live?"  
"Yeah, I'll be out of your hair. I'm going to head out this weekend," Simon said. Sollux sat up.  
"Wait, you're leaving?" Sollux said.  
"Yeah, I gotta find my own place, Sol. Can't keep being a burden on my little brother," Simon said, smiling a little bit. Sollux huffed and stood up, all but throwing his plate into the sink as he walked back upstairs. He flopped onto his bed, looking up at the ceiling. Why did Simon have to leave? He was the only adult in the house that really understood what Sollux was dealing with. He still didn't really feel comfortable enough with Whitney, and he was terrified of what his fathers would say. A soft knock came from the doorframe, and Sollux sat up. Simon was in the doorway, a small frown on his face. "What's that about, Sol?" Simon asked, taking a cautious step into the bedroom. Sollux was silent. "You must have known I wasn't going to be able to stick around."  
"I… I guess I did. I just- ugh." Sollux stood from his bed at that point, pacing around the room a bit. "Dads don't… get it. I can't talk to them about- about this!" He gestured wildly around his head. "You've been in my position… you know how it feels. To be so depressed you can't move and so manic you can't sleep. And… and I know I'm supposed to go to therapy every week but… Whitney doesn't get it either. She was nice but… I don't know. I just don't want you to leave," Sollux said, sinking back into the bed as he sat down. Simon sighed.  
"Sollux," Simon said, sitting down next to him, "you know they only want what's best for you, right?"  
"Of course I know that," Sollux grumbled.  
"Then why won't you let your own family help you?"  
Sollux faltered. "What do you mean?"  
"They can't help you if they don't know what's going on. And I'm not saying you have to tell them right now, but you can't seclude yourself all the time. They're worried sick about you; they can tell something's wrong."  
"Why does nobody just ask me, then?"  
Simon chuckled a bit. "Because you're a teenager."  
"What?"  
"Because, you're a 14-year-old boy and as far as they know, you're just having issues with… well, with puberty. They're trying to be respectful and give you the space you need to grow. So, it's on you, Sollux. Why haven't you said anything?"  
"I dunno, I just… it's hard, I don't want them to have to worry about me. I feel like Dads have their hands full with Tuna already."  
"Hmm," Simon hummed. "Well, it's your family's job to worry about you. I know you want to feel self-sufficient and like an adult, but you can't expect yourself to figure it out all on your own. That's what college is for, and even then, most people don't have it figured out."  
"Please don't even mention college right now," Sollux said, cracking a smile.  
"Ahh, haha, okay," Simon chuckled again. "Like I said, I don't expect you to go downstairs and tell them everything right this minute, but let your dads get involved in your life a little bit more. And even if you still need your weird old uncle, then that's what cell phones are for. I'm not going far, either."  
Sollux fidgeted with his hands for a moment before standing from the bed again and smiling back at his uncle Simon. "Thanks… I guess I needed someone to knock some sense into me."  
"That's what I'm here for."  
"Well, shit, Simon, I'm glad I was adopted then, and that's something I never thought I would say."  
"What makes you say that, kiddo?"  
"If I wasn't, you wouldn't be my uncle," Sollux said, then grinning. Simon really did have a way of making him feel better. Simon chuckled and stood from the bed, muttering something under his breath that Sollux didn't quite catch.

Sollux tried his best to keep himself in a good mood, though some days were harder than others. His fathers seemed to notice, and it came up in conversation.  
"Sollux, you seem to be doing better," Barry said.  
"Mm…" Sollux chewed on his lip. He wanted to tell the truth about his self-diagnosis, but refrained. "Yeah, I'm trying."  
"We noticed," Carl muttered. "Hey Sol, your father and I got tickets to a show this Friday for all of us."  
"Oh, what show is it?" Sollux asked.  
"Spamalot!" Mituna shouted, giggling. Sollux couldn't help but laugh, Mituna's cackle was contagious like that. He wasn't one for musicals, but his fathers were trying and that's what mattered to him.  
The family went out to see the musical that weekend, and Sollux genuinely enjoyed himself, a feeling he hadn't had in a while, and he did walk away from the theater with one very important message he took to heart: always look on the bright side of life.


	13. Truth

Chapter Thirteen: Truth

Sollux had been to a few appointments with Whitney since his first one, and he'd still been putting off getting an official diagnosis. He took a breath as he walked into the next session. Today was the day… he _had_ to be honest with himself. Sollux immediately sank into the couch once he stepped into Whitney's office. He was certainly beginning to feel more comfortable with her. Whitney looked up at him.  
"Good afternoon, Sollux," she said, smiling softly at him.  
"Hi Whitney," Sollux muttered.  
"How's the last week been?"  
"A bit stressful. My uncle moved out a little while ago and some days I could really use him around. But, I understand. Dads and Mituna and I went to see Spamalot, and whenever I'm feeling down…" Sollux chuckled at himself, "this is dumb. When I'm feeling down… I know this isn't a solution when my mood swings are intense, but when they're not, I start humming 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life'."  
"Hmm, I actually find that pretty endearing. Having a way to calm yourself can be incredibly helpful."  
"I'm finding it is. But, my mood swings can still be really bad."  
"Baby steps, Sollux. You're doing great."  
"Yeah," Sollux ran a hand through his hair, finding himself fidgeting a bit. He took a Rubik's cube and started fiddling with it. "Hey… mmm," Sollux caught himself, biting his lip a bit.  
"What?"  
"Um." Sollux felt his heart hammering in his chest. He knew he needed to stop being so cowardly about it. "Um. You told me on my first visit that, if I wanted a diagnosis, you would give me one?"  
"Right. Are you telling me you would like a diagnosis?" Whitney asked, tapping her pen against the arm of her chair. Sollux faltered, biting the inside of his lip again.  
"Y-yeah, yeah. I think… I need to know, and deal with whatever's going on."  
"Well, based on what you've told me over the last… month… it sounds most like Bipolar Disorder. With the extreme nature of your mood swings, that is most likely."  
"I knew it," Sollux muttered. "I knew it."  
"Did you self-diagnose?"  
"Yeah, a while ago. Before school even started."  
"Just out of curiosity, did you tell anyone?"  
Sollux let out a weighted sigh. "Yeah, I talked to my uncle Simon about it. He… is also bipolar. Which is a huge reason I'm so bummed he moved out. He and I had this… this sense of understanding. I knew he knew what I was dealing with. And, I told Feferi before we were dating. But, I haven't told my dads yet. I'm afraid they're just gonna freak out and overly coddle me or something. And- and before you tell me that I need to be open and talk to my family because all they want to do is help, I already got that lecture from Simon. Now that I know this is for sure real… I'll tell them." Whitney let out a long breath, then nodded at Sollux. Sollux couldn't help but fidget in his seat as she did that. He found himself playing with the Rubik's cube more intently, the clicking drowning out his thoughts.  
"I have a question for you," Whitney hummed. "I know most of what I do is ask you questions, but this is for personal curiosity."  
Sollux snapped his attention back to her. "Well my interpersonal relationships are just about as fucked as my mental state, so sure, why not dive into that too?"  
Whitney looked a bit taken aback. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to intrude. You don't-"  
"No, no, it's fine! Let's talk about it. Aradia and I have been friends for…" he let out a small breath, "for years. Since we were kids; like, younger kids. And, I always kind of thought we had a thing? She was into me and I was- well, I _am_ into her. But neither of us acted on it because we were both really nervous, and now she's broken up with Equius and I'm broken up with Feferi, but Aradia changed schools and hasn't been in contact with most of us, and I just… I don't really know how to act on my feelings. I still really, really like her."  
"Well, it sounds like she likes you too, maybe you should just do something nice for her."  
"Hmm," Sollux muttered.

Sollux went home that day and sat down to dinner with his dads and Mituna, still trying to avoid the topic of his appointment, despite knowing he needed to bring it up and tell his dads about the diagnosis. Eventually, he cleared his throat.  
"So, um, Whitney told me something interesting today," Sollux said, trying not to arouse any suspicion that he'd known about this for some time.  
"What's that?" Carl asked.  
"Well," Sollux started. It was taking a great amount of work to continue sounding nonchalant about the entire thing, "she thinks I have Bipolar Disorder."  
The entire mood of dinner changed in a millisecond. Barry nearly did a spit-take while Carl's eyes went wide, looking at Sollux. There was silence for a moment, and then the air was filled with Mituna's cackle of laughter.  
"Ahh! Sol is messed up, too!" Mituna screeched.  
"That's not funny, Mituna!" Barry chided the older son. Sollux couldn't help but smile.  
"It kind of is, actually," Sollux said. "The irony that he and I could be so similar, with none of the same genetics. That we both somehow wound up messed up in the head."  
"You have a weird sense of humor, Sollux," Carl said.  
"Yeah, I always have."  
"So… sorry, I'm still digesting what you just told me. Do you need to get any medication? Do you want any further help?"  
"Dad! No, no. Dad, I'm fine. I'll be… I'll be fine," he said, not sure how true it was. No matter what happened from that point on, Sollux was just relieved to tell his dads. He knew medication wouldn't hurt, but he wanted to keep trying to fight it on his own, despite the fact that he could already feel himself slipping into another phase.

Sollux got back to thinking about Whitney's suggestion. He knew Aradia's birthday was coming up, and he knew that she was missing everyone, so he started thinking about arranging something to help her celebrate. He was getting antsy and bordering on manic, but he tried to keep his head on straight as he approached Tavros after P.E.  
"Hey, Tav, you and Aradia are fairly close…" Sollux vaguely recalled Aradia and Tavros being something of a roleplaying duo.  
"Yeah, Team Charge and all that… why?"  
"Well, I want to organize a birthday party for her, and I could definitely use some help."  
"Why not ask Feferi? Aren't she and Aradia really good friends?" Sollux felt himself blush at Tavros' suggestion. He hadn't spoken directly to Feferi since their breakup, and was almost embarrassed to at that point.  
"Yeah, but… FF and I aren't on the best terms right now." It wasn't a complete lie.  
"Oh… sorry," Tavros muttered. Sollux shrugged.  
"It's alright. But… yeah, do you wanna help me out?"  
"I dunno… I'm not the best party planner."  
"Tavros, shut the fuck up." Tavros looked taken aback, and Sollux was suddenly very aware that Tavros wasn't used to being spoken to the same way Sollux would speak to Karkat. "Sorry. Your Halloween party was awesome, even if Vriska tried to suck the fun out of everything." Tavros looked a bit bashful.  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, totally. You in?"  
Tavros grinned at Sollux, and Sollux couldn't help but smile back. "Sure! What's the plan?" Tavros asked. Sollux shrugged again, just as the bell rang for class.  
"Guess we should get to class. I'll message you later."  
Sollux was fidgety throughout the rest of the day, but having something planned was keeping his mind occupied. He messaged Tavros as soon as he got home that day.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering adiosToreador

TA: okay  
TA: so  
TA: aradia's birthday is technically next Saturday  
TA: but i thought a friday party might be better  
AT: okay, cool  
AT: what do you need me to do?  
TA: mostly just help with games and snacks?

TA: i'll deal with getting aradia there  
AT: um  
AT: where should we have it?  
TA: good question  
TA: prospit park?  
AT: um, yeah, sounds good.  
TA: thanks tav  
TA: oh  
TA: one more thing  
TA: do you have any leftover decorations?  
AT: oh yeah  
AT: i have some streamers still  
TA: nice  
TA: i'll get some balloons too  
AT: ok, cool  
AT: should i, uh  
AT: message the others?  
TA: not yet  
TA: i need to talk to daniel first  
AT: okay

twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling adiosToreador

Talking to Daniel Droog wouldn't be easy, but Sollux was determined. He walked over to Aradia's house after school one day, hoping that Derse Academy hadn't gotten out yet, and nervously knocked on the door. Hana appeared in the doorframe after a moment, looking surprised at Sollux's appearance.  
"H-hi, Mrs. Megido-Droog, I-"  
"Oh, hi, Sollux, honey. I'm afraid Aradia isn't here," she said.  
"Oh, uh, actually I wanted to talk to… Daniel. This is weird," he muttered. Hana appeared even more confused at the request. She disappeared for a moment, and then a disgruntled Daniel appeared in her place.  
"What do you want, Captor?" Daniel hissed. Sollux shirked a bit, but was determined to make a party happen for Aradia.  
"Well, I know Aradia's birthday is soon… I was thinking of throwing her a surprise party…"  
"What?"  
"Like, at the park or something, after school? Next Friday. I was hoping you could just make sure she gets there."  
"Why d'you wanna throw her a party; trying to get a feel of her?" Daniel sneered, the distaste clear in his voice. It took Sollux a moment to understand what he meant, and the moment it clicked into place, Sollux felt his face crumple.  
"N-no! Of course not! Sir, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but, uh, we're 14. I've only just kissed a girl… ANYWAY! Um, Aradia and I have been friends for years, and I just wanted to, um, I just wanted to do something nice for her, since she hasn't been able to see much of me—and her other friends—since she changed schools. Please, just let me do this for her," Sollux pleaded, feeling a bead of sweat roll down his cheek. Daniel pondered it for a moment, then gave Sollux a slow nod.  
"Alright, kid, I think I can make it happen."  
"Really? Awesome! Um. Prospit Park, next Friday around 4:30?" Sollux said, not wanting to sound overly authoritative.  
"Sure, sure, get off my doorstep before I change my mind," Daniel muttered. Sollux's smile dropped, and he scuttled away from the house.

Somehow the subject of Aradia's party completely slipped Sollux's mind during school on Monday, so he made a point of starting a group chat once he got home from therapy.

twinArmageddons [TA] started group message: aradia's birthday shenanigans

adiosToreador is online  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online  
grimAuxiliatrix [GA] is online  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is online  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] is online  
ectoBiologist [EB] is online  
turntechGodhead [TG] is online

TA: okay guys so  
TA: aradia's been away from skaia high for a couple months  
TA: but i thought it would be cool of us to throw her a surprise party  
TA: ive already arranged things with her dad, and tavros and i are taking care of snacks and decorations

TA: all you guys have to do is show up to prospit park at 4:30 on Friday  
AT: actually, if anyone wants to help me set up, that'd be great  
CC: Shore! I'd love to be there for Aradia.  
CC: I can't help set up, though. I have swim practice after school.  
CC: Sorry, Tav.  
AT: that's fine  
AG: You mean you've actually done something helpful, toreadork?

AT: um, yeah, actually  
AT: sollux told me about this on friday  
AT: we've been planning  
AG: Whatever, as if I'd go to a surprise party for _Aradia,_ of all people.  
AG: Finally gonna ask her out, Lispy McAsshat?  
TA: maybe  
AG: Hahahahahahahaha!  
AG: Fine, I'll show up just to watch that disaster unfold.  
CG: What the fuck is your problem?  
EB: wow, vriska, calm down.  
CG: Aradia has always been a good friend.  
CG: I don't get why you hate her so much.  
GA: Yes, Aradia has been helping me with my romantic problems, despite having her own, and despite being quite away from us.  
GA: I would love to attend.  
CG: Yeah, shut the fuck up, Serket.  
CG: I'll go.  
TG: im in  
TG: rose and jade too probably  
TA: are they not in the chat?  
TG: i dunno theyre not online right now  
TG: but im seeing rose later so ill let her know  
CG: Nepeta says she'll come too.  
TA: if you hear from gz, let him know too  
CG: Yeah, okay.  
CG: He's been making himself scarce lately though.  
TA: yeah i know  
CC: Eridan wants to know if he's invited.  
TA: eugh  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: equius too  
TA: though that might be awkward  
CG: He's here too.  
CG: He says he'll go.  
TA: ff what the fuck is eridan doing at your house?  
CC: We're still friends, Sollux!  
TA: whatever.  
AG: Okay, we're all fucking going, can this pointless chat end now  
TG: what about terezi  
CG: Why don't YOU tell her, Strider?  
TG: no need to be jealous karkles  
TG: you know id never dream of anyone but you.  
CG: Shut the fuck up, don't call me Karkles.  
TA: you two are fucking gross.  
TA: see you all at the party, then.  
CG: You'll see us at school tomorrow, dipshit.  
AG: Hey, yeah, why couldn't this idiocy have waited for then?  
TA: fuck, this just seemed easier.  
TA: you don't have to get up my ass about it.  
EB: oh, tavros, i'll help you set up if you want!  
AT: oh, yeah  
AT: thanks, john

twinArmageddons [TA] has closed group chat: aradia's birthday shenanigans

The rest of the week was mostly a blur. Before he even knew it, Friday arrived. He'd been feeling himself slip, but somehow that one day was the worst of it. Sollux found himself unable to sleep the night before the party and started tapping away at his keyboard at two in the morning, fiddling with a game he was trying to program. He thought back to his fathers wanting him to get a prescription. He wasn't even opposed to it anymore, though whether that was a true sentiment or the result of him being in a manic phase was unclear. He thought better of mentioning it in the moment, though, and just pushed through the school day, patterns of code endlessly running through his mind as he rinsed through classwork.  
As it turned out, both of his fathers got held up at work and Sollux showed up late- well, not late, just last- to the party _he'd_ set up in the first place. But one look around the park and it was clear Tavros and John had done a great job setting everything up. Sollux paced around, double-checking, triple-checking, as he added to the snack table and strung balloons up here and there.  
"This is… ah, no… should it go here, or there? I… fuck," Sollux muttered to himself. He was mildly aware of the fact that a few of his friends were watching, but that's not where his mind was. Eventually, Feferi paced over to him.  
"Sollux," she said. He looked over at her, startled. He hadn't spoken to Feferi one on one since they broke up. He felt his face flush.  
"FF! Ah, uh, hi…"  
"Sollux, I know you're overwhelmed right now," she said, calmly, taking both of Sollux's hands in her own. "Take a few slow, deep breaths." He did as he was told. "Better?"  
"A bit, thanks."  
"I just wish I didn't have to remind you!"  
"My dads are probably gonna put me on meds."  
"Oh."  
A silence came between them. Feferi dropped Sollux's hands, but her smile never faltered. "Hey, FF," Sollux said.  
"Hmm?"  
"Sorry about… how things ended. I've been wanting to apologize for a while but-"  
"Sollux, I _told_ you I'm okay with it, as long as we're friends. Besides, it wasn't right for me to date you in the first place. Aradia never told me outright, but I knew… she really likes you, Sol. And I'm her best friend. I shouldn't have done that."  
Sollux didn't say anything, hardly even looking at Feferi. They both turned to look at the parking lot when they heard a screech of tires. It was Daniel's car. Sollux jumped to attention, lest Daniel _actually_ cut all his fingers off—it was a pretty common threat, and the man (from Aradia's accounts) had been in a gang in college—if he weren't ready for the party. Sollux managed to usher the whole group near the table as Aradia came running towards them, a wide grin plastered on her face.  
"Surprise!" everyone shouted. Sollux felt a smile form on his face. She looked so happy. Tht was really all he wanted.  
"Whose idea was this? Feferi?" she asked.  
"No, it was Sollux's." Sollux felt himself blush again as Aradia stepped more towards him.  
"Just… wanted to see you happy," he muttered. Aradia hugged him tightly. Sollux was caught off guard a bit, but then wrapped his arms around Aradia.  
"Thank you sooooo much Sollux!" she said.

The party was mellow and successful, until Vriska started challenging everyone to a soda-drinking contest. When no one participated she got agitated and nearly left early, but seemed to decide against it. Sollux wasn't paying much attention. Karkat was monopolizing most of Sollux's time to complain about how weird Dave was acting.  
"Dude, why the fuck do you care so much about Dave fucking Strider anyway?" Sollux finally had to interject.  
Karkat huffed. "Well… I guess. I mean. He and I have been hanging out a lot lately. Like. One on one. I…"  
"KK we both already know that practically none of us are actually straight."  
"Listen, Dave and I are kind of a thing? But he won't call me his boyfriend. I don't understand him sometimes."  
"Went from hating him to fucking him."

"At least I could get someone to look twice at me. Besides, we're not fucking."  
"I didn't mean it seriously! Jesus Christ."  
"Shit man, I don't know! Wilder shit has happened than that."  
"I was just teasing. I don't think anyone should actually have sex until they're like, 16. At least."  
"Man, at least that's reasonable. You should hear the kind of shit Kankri spouts."  
"Is he still doing that celibacy thing?"  
"Yeah, but Cronus is really pushing him—hang on, I'm getting a call," Karkat said, answering his phone and wandering off. Sollux glanced around, finding Aradia nearby. She'd spent most of the afternoon simply catching up with everyone, and smiling. Smiling was the most important part. Sollux walked over to her.  
"Hey," he said.  
"Oh, hey, Sollux. Thanks again for the party."  
"Yeah well… everybody missed you. Even Vriska, odd enough."  
"Even after I punched her?"  
"Yeah, you're… important. To everyone here." Aradia softly chuckled. "Important to me…" Sollux continued. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, and his gaze dropped to the grass. Feferi mentioning the fact that Aradia liked him was the encouragement he needed, and he didn't want to do whatever it sounded like Dave was doing to Karkat, emotionally jerking him around because he was being a coward and wouldn't commit. He looked back up at Aradia. "Listen, I was… dumb, before, and nervous about… relationships and stuff. I know we never… dated or anything, but I always thought we… had something. And when I was with FF… she kind of reminded me of you, and I thought that if I was thinking of you instead of her… maybe we—you and I, I mean—maybe we were supposed to be together, and…" God, he was talking in circles. He sounded like a fucking idiot.  
"Sollux, are you…"  
"HOLY SHIT!" Karkat shouted. The entire party (and many parents upset by the language) turned to look at Karkat. Sollux felt his entire face go red as he marched over to Karkat.  
"Karkat, you FUCKER!" Sollux shouted. "Can you not lose your shit for one day?!"  
"Well excuse me, shithead. I need to go _now._ My dad just got shot."


	14. Facing Death, Facing Love

Chapter Fourteen: Facing Death, Facing Love

"Nepeta, come on," Karkat ran off, toting Nepeta along by her wrist. Sollux turned in confusion as the party came to a sudden halt. He saw Aradia mutter something to her father, and he said everyone needed to wrap up. Sollux was upset the party had to end early, of course, but of course he understood. For once, it wasn't just Karkat being overdramatic. Sollux could imagine he'd react in the same way, and he understood his friend's distress. While Sollux had wanted a chance to talk to Aradia, he knew what was happening was more important. As soon as he got home from the party, he was struck with the urge to message Karkat.

twinArmageddons [TA] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TA: hey KK  
TA: how're things looking?  
CG: What, with my dad?  
CG: Not good.  
CG: He got hit right below the ribcage and it went through a vital organ…  
CG: The kidney or liver or something?  
CG: He bled a lot before Dessie got there.  
CG: I don't know, I'm too panicked to remember most details.  
TA: what do the doctors think?  
CG: I don't know, dude!  
CG: I'm getting all agitated even talking to you about this  
CG: Pacing around the hallway in the hospital.  
TA: shit dude im sorry  
CG: Ugh  
CG: It's fine  
CG: You're just being a friend.  
TA: i'd be lying if i said i wasn't curious though  
TA: weren't your dad and my uncle simon pretty close?  
CG: Still are.  
CG: Dessie said he's coming soon.  
TA: huh  
CG: And Nana Rosa  
TA: that makes sense

TA: hey  
TA: do they have any idea what even happened?  
CG: What do you mean?  
TA: well he got shot… someone had to be behind the trigger  
CG: Right, right.  
CG: No, he hasn't been very lucid.  
CG: He muttered something about Mr. Zahhak though.  
TA: yeah, equius had to catch a ride home from Daniel  
TA: which is weird  
CG: Doesn't he have a fucking butler for that?  
TA: yeah that's what's weird  
CG: Huh. Noted.  
CG: Oh shit.  
CG: Doctor's back. Dessie looks… distraught.  
CG: I have to go.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering twinArmageddons [TA]

Sollux was worried when Karkat didn't show up to school on Monday. Mr. Vantas had a huge influence on the whole town. He was a highly respected pastor, but somehow wasn't overly preachy, as well as an advocate for equal rights. _Truly_ equal rights. Sollux recalled sitting in on a sermon after a sleepover at Karkat's when they were younger and hearing Mr. Vantas say something about believing in a God who loves everyone who has a truly good heart, regardless of their orientation or gender or race or so on. Sollux really liked Mr. Vantas. He'd been trying to make the world a better place, despite the hateful people in the town. The more he thought about it, the more distress he felt. He glanced up at Nepeta, who appeared to be mulling over her food quietly. Sollux reached across the table, placing his hand on hers. She looked up at him and they exchanged knowing glances before Nepeta mouthed 'thanks, Pawlux' and turned her attention back to her food.  
It was later that day that Sollux got added to a group chat run by Karkat.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] started group message: FUCK

apocalypseArisen [AA] is online  
twinArmageddons [TA] is online  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] is online  
arachnidsGrip [AG] is online  
cuttlefishCuller [CC] is online  
ectoBiologist [EB] is online  
turntechGodhead [TG] is online

CG: Hey everyone.  
CG: So…  
CG: Bad news…  
CG: My dad…he  
CG: Didn't make it  
CC: Karkat, I'm so sorry!  
TG: fucking blows dude  
CG: Don't be sarcastic, Strider  
TG: im not  
TG: it may shock you to know that i am in fact  
TG: capable of sincerity  
TG: give me the benefit of the doubt dude  
TG: instead of jumping all over me the minute i open my mouth  
TG: all in my business like youre trying to hop on my dick  
CG: GROSS, fuck off  
TG: nah man the fuck is on  
TG: your sympathy fuck i mean  
TG: looking for one?  
TA: wouldn't put it past him  
TG: haha nice one man  
CG: You FUCKERS!  
CG: Stop ganging up on me, it's seriously not cool.  
CG: I'm having an honest to God crisis  
AG: Honestly, Karkat, when _aren't_ you having a crisis?  
CG: UUUUGH forget it.  
CG: Why did I think I could talk to you assholes?  
EB: guys, come on  
EB: karkat just lost someone important to him  
EB: i don't think its the time for dick jokes  
TG: what are you like his boyfriend or something?  
EB: dave, no  
EB: i'm not…  
EB: i'm straight, dave  
TG: sure  
TG: youre about as straight as i am  
TG: but sure  
CG: Egbert, PLEASE, I DON'T need your fucking help.  
CG: Strider, SHUT UP.  
AG: Soooooooo  
AG: What exactly was the point of this group chat?  
AG: Half of us aren't even online right now.  
TA: man i wish i wasn't  
CG: I was trying to get to that  
CG: I could honestly use some moral support right now  
CG: So you're all invited to the funeral  
CG: Not that any of you will actually show up  
CG: Now leave me alone.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] is now an idle chum!

Sollux did feel a little bad about cracking jokes at a time like that. Maybe he handled grief differently. Maybe he was trying to use humor to cope, because he knew the world needed Solomon Vantas. Sollux laid his head down on his desk. He didn't know how he could really help Karkat deal with the situation. Maybe he couldn't. Maybe all he could do was go to the funeral.

The funeral came a few days later. Sollux went with Aradia and Damara, but spotted Simon as soon as they arrived. He was offering comfort to Mrs. Leijon. Nepeta and Kanaya were towards the front of the seats, with their families and the Vantases. Rose was sitting on Kanaya's other side, not looking very upset herself (though Sollux couldn't vouch for how well she'd known Solomon) but placing a comforting hand on Kanaya's shoulder. Karkat was all but surrounded by friends. Terezi was there, though giving Dave and Karkat a comfortable amount of distance, and without her typical shit-eating grin. Feferi, John, and Jade attended as well. Sollux felt a certain amount of discomfort sitting around Damara, but Damara seemed to be getting along with Aradia (and in life in general) better, and she seemed to have no intention of sitting with Kankri and Cronus. Sollux was tempted to approach Simon, but he seemed to be where he was needed with Dessie and a man Sollux vaguely recognized as Spencer Slick, another good friend of Mr. Vantas'. Sollux fidgeted in his seat as the pastor spoke about funerals being celebrations of life, and perked up when Dessie took his place behind the microphone.  
"Solomon Vantas was… one of the kindest, greatest people I ever had the pleasure of meeting." She was already sounding choked up. Sollux had a desire, longing to help. He wanted to make everything better. He didn't want these people to feel so alone. But he remained in his seat. It was part of the grieving process, right? He reasoned with himself that it would be rude to interrupt the funeral anyway. "He was so inspirational to me, so influential to the word; how he was just… always trying to help whoever he could, always trying to make peace or find a diplomatic way around a problem- that was all he wanted to be. A diplomat. He wanted to make a better future for his kids, for my kids… Solomon was…" Shit, she was crying. Sollux couldn't take it when adults cried. He felt himself starting to tear up. "…my best friend, and my first love. When we met in high school, I knew I'd found someone I could confide in. Someone I knew I wanted in my life. He had such an idealistic concept of what the world could be. And… oh, the way he lit up when we talked about how we could improve the world, leave our mark… and then we fell in love… and then… both left for different colleges. I never thought I'd be lucky enough to find him again, but I was. I swore I'd never lose him again. And yet, here we are. Solomon Vantas was… a great man, who did great things, and I will _not_ let that be in vain. He may be gone, but the impact that he's had will be with us forever."  
Sollux sniffed away a tear as Dessie stepped down from behind the microphone, tears rolling down her cheeks. He leaned over towards Aradia. "Jeez, she really _did_ love him," he muttered. Aradia nodded a bit, and a silence fell over the audience as Dessie whispered something to Karkat and Kankri, Kankri choosing to take a step behind the podium.  
"My father was an ambitious, idealistic man. He was always trying to do something to help someone, and help this town. Someone I always admired, and from this day on I will be taking up his cause and do my best to be as he was. Thank you for everything, Dad." Sollux still felt sad for Kankri, but his level of pretention made feeling compassionate that much more difficult. He couldn't help but linger over the fact that Karkat hadn't said anything.

Sollux said hi to Simon once they got to the reception at the Vantas-Leijon house, and they shared a much-needed hug.  
"Glad you made it, kiddo," Simon muttered, once he'd let go of Sollux.  
"Yeah, me too." Sollux drew quiet for a moment, pondering his thoughts. Simon seemed to notice he'd suddenly gone quiet.  
"What's up, Sol?"  
"Just thinking. I feel bad. I can't imagine losing one of my dads. But… this whole thing had been making me wonder about…hm."  
Simon sighed. "About your real parents?"  
"Yeah."  
"Well…" Simon sighed again. Sollux furrowed his brow. "Maybe I can tell you about it later."  
"You know about my real parents?"  
"Of course I do, I was… there. When everything happened. Look, now's not the time, Sol."  
"Okay." Sollux chewed the inside of his lip a bit as he meandered off back towards Aradia. The two kids exchanged a glance as they watched Damara approach Kankri, and while they couldn't hear what Kankri said to her, they heard her frustrated response.  
"I change, Kankri. Doing better things for me. Wish you could say the same. Still such an asshole, you are," Damara huffed before marching back towards Aradia and Sollux.  
"Well he seems in oddly high spirits," Aradia muttered.  
"Give your well-wishes. We go soon," Damara said through gritted teeth. Sollux felt a bit awkward standing with the two step-sisters. Karkat had gone into hiding, and Sollux felt out of place.  
"Sollux," Aradia said. He stood up a bit straighter, looking attentive. "where would Karkat be?" He'd been wondering the same thing.  
"His room, probably," Sollux answered with a shrug. Aradia's hand brushed up against Sollux's as they began to walk up the stairs and a shudder went up his spine. It was a short walk; Karkat's room was near the stairs. Sollux wasn't totally sure why Aradia wanted to talk to Karkat. Maybe she thought they would understand each other. Maybe she thought she could help. Sollux decided it didn't really matter as he leaned in close to the door.  
"Yeah, he's in there," he whispered to Aradia, the angsty music being a giveaway. "Want me to come in too?"  
"No, I kinda just want to talk to him," Aradia said, smiling a little bit. Sollux shrugged and wandered back downstairs. He sank into an armchair, lingering until Aradia came back down. She clearly had to go, as Damara ushered her to the door. Sollux barely had enough time to stand and wave goodbye as the two girls left, Aradia shooting him a small wave. Karkat re-emerged from his room as Aradia and Damara went out the front door, looking to be in much better shape emotionally than he'd seemed, though there was still understandable sadness in his eyes.  
"Hey," Karkat muttered, leaning on the wall next to where Sollux had just been sitting. Sollux turned slowly, facing him.  
"Hey. You okay?"  
"No. But… I will be."  
"What did Aradia say to you?"  
"Nothing. Basically told me not to be an idiot."  
"Well that's impossible," Sollux said, cracking the smallest smile possible.  
"Yeah," Karkat chuckled. "That's a hell of a girl you've got, Captor."  
Sollux frowned. "Not my girl," he said, his voice dropping.  
"You gonna do something about that or what? You know me, Sol, and you know I'm a romantic, so shut up and actually take my advice for once: date that girl. You love her, and she loves you. You know it, I know it. Now man up and make it happen." Sollux was blushing furiously as Karkat spoke. "She's got a good heart. Wants what's best for everyone. I don't say this a lot, and maybe it's because of my own issues, but you two are perfect for each other. Gotta be honest, Sol, I could see you _marrying_ her."  
"Jesus Christ, KK, don't even talk to me about marriage yet."  
"Fine. But ask her out. For real."  
"Why are you pushing this so much right now?"  
Karkat groaned. "Because, you never know what curveball life is going to throw. We can't waste time feeling sorry for ourselves, feeling sad and not acting because we don't think we're good enough, because we think we're too broken to deserve love. You and I are alike in that way, and the difference is that you actually have a chance. So take it."  
"Are you going to take yours?"  
"I don't know. Dave confuses me. And I'm in no shape for that right now."  
Sollux was quiet for a moment. "Is that what Aradia told you? To take action?"  
"Not exactly." Karkat paused, taking a breath. "She told me I can be sad- I _should_ be sad. But I shouldn't let myself be alone in my sadness. She told me… people care. And if I need them, they're there. But… it's kind of the same thing. Isolation does no good. She's right about that much… Sollux, please. It would—ew, I'm about to get really sentimental, don't hit me. It would make me a bit happier to know my friends are happier."  
Sollux was quiet for another moment, then smiled, laughed a bit, and punched Karkat lightly on the shoulder. Karkat, despite himself, smiled back. "Hey! I told you not to hit me."  
"That was nothing. Besides, it wasn't for the sentiment. It's 'cause you're right."  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah. And, I'm gonna ask her out."


	15. Graduation

Chapter Fifteen: Graduation

Sollux was drumming his fingers in his desk. He'd let himself focus on school for the last month or so, but today was graduation, and he'd resolved to ask Aradia out, but there was a wrenching in his gut. He hadn't seen her since the funeral. Sure, they'd been talking, but it wasn't the same, asking her out over Pesterchum. He took a breath. He could hear his fathers trying to get Mituna to cooperate with them; getting him into the cap and gown was a process, Sollux imagined. He glanced at the bottle of aspirin sitting on his desk. He never did agree to letting his fathers get him his bipolar meds, but he had started taking aspirin more for his headaches, one of which was starting to form. Maybe someday he would be comfortable with having more medication. Sollux knew he was getting better about it. He'd stopped ignoring his OCD meds.  
"Sollux! Let's go!" he heard Barry call him down. Sollux glanced at the pill bottle again and threw two down his throat before going downstairs. Mituna was in his shimmery blue cap and gown, grinning the toothiest, happiest grin Sollux had ever seen. Their dads were beaming. "One picture before we go," Barry said, pointing the camera at the two boys. Sollux gave a small smile, pointing at Mituna for the picture before everyone made their way to the car.

As the Captors walked through the parking lot, Sollux saw the Amporas up ahead of them. Mituna, of course, ran up ahead to talk to Cronus, and Sollux could predict exactly what was about to happen. He closed the gap between them, falling into Eridan's pace when he caught up.  
"Not a word, Ampora," Sollux hissed to him. "I need to see how much of an ass your brother is."  
"If you wanted to know what a dick Cronus is, you could just ask me," Eridan whispered back. Sollux was focused intently on Mituna and Cronus.  
"Lookin' good, chief," Cronus said. "Blue really is your color. It's a wonder you even made it this far." Sollux gritted his teeth in anger as he saw Mituna' face crumble. "Nobody even thought you would graduate. Too messed up, you know?" Mituna looked like he could burst into tears at any second.  
"Back the fuck off, Cronus!" Sollux shouted. It was clear Mituna wasn't going to stand up for himself. Cronus and Mr. Ampora both turned to Sollux. Mr. Ampora took a step back from the boys as Cronus drew close to Sollux, menacingly.  
"You wanna start something, little man?"  
"Knock it off, Cro," Eridan muttered. Cronus glared at him.  
"Don't get involved, Eridan. I gotta teach this runt a lesson."  
"You're the one who started it!" Sollux jeered back, poking Cronus in the chest. "I don't know what your problem with my brother is, but I don't like you making fun of him. He's got enough problems."  
"Yeah, well guess what? We all got problems, kid." Sollux could feel where this confrontation was about to go, and knew he would get his ass kicked. Cronus weighed easily twice the amount that Sollux did, and Sollux would have no chance in a fight. He resigned himself to it, wincing as Cronus raised a fist and began to swing. Sollux never felt the impact. Instead, he heard a stern voice.  
"Cronus!" Sollux opened his eyes. It was Mr. Ampora. "Leave the boy alone." Cronus sighed, lowering his fist.  
"You got lucky this time, Captor," Cronus muttered, making his way back over to his brother and dad. Sollux grumbled before walking back over to his dads and Mituna. Mituna gave him a tight embrace.  
"Thanks, bro, for standing up for me."  
"That's what I'm here for, Tuna," Sollux answered. "Hey, don't you have somewhere to be?"

The ceremony took a while. Once they began calling names, Mituna's was near the beginning, just before a girl named 'Crocker'. They called his name and Sollux, Carl, and Barry cheered. Sollux heard a few other cheers in the crowd, too, and once Horuss Zahhak returned to his seat, the graduating class threw their caps into the air, the white and blue looking like a reflection of the sky as everyone on the field celebrated. Sollux glanced over to Aradia, who'd been sitting nearby but was now standing, cheering, and he remembered what he'd promised Karkat; promised himself, and found himself moving through the crowd towards her. He spun her around to face him, caught a glimpse of surprise in her eyes, and kissed Aradia Droog. There was more than just a spark between them, there was a _surge_. Sollux pulled away from the moment first.  
"Ah… heh… I…" he stammered, feeling his face flush.  
"That was… unexpected," Aradia said, her face turning a bit red too.  
"I… uh… d-do you wanna go out sometime?" Sollux heard himself blurt out. Oh no. That was not the most eloquent.  
"Like… a date?"  
"Yeah… yeah, a date. Definitely." _Smooth, Captor,_ Sollux thought to himself. Aradia smiled at him and Sollux felt a lot of his tension lift.  
"Well the county fair is coming up; maybe we could do that."  
"Yeah… maybe," Sollux smiled at her. "I gotta go. I'll call you?"  
"Mhm!"  
"Okay, um…bye," Sollux said, reflexively kissing her on the cheek again before making his way back over to his dads. For the first time in a while, Sollux not only felt okay, he felt like a winner.


End file.
